Boy, has it been an interesting day. I have pulled out all the stops on this one. I went to the house this morning to see the wife at 6:30am, a time we agreed to meet and talk before the little one got up. I stopped at the store and bought her a bouquet of flowers. When I walked in, the first thing I asked her was...What is the status of your *relationship* with the fireman?..She replied that it is interesting enough that it is something she'd LIKE TO EXPLORE! I practically collapsed on the couch (a different one than the one she did him on). She responded with genuine concern.
I did not get mad, but I told her that I cannot continue seeing her, or doing anything with her, until she decides if it's Him, or Me. We had plans to join another couple for dinner tonight, and she wanted to still attend this with me. I told her that I found it odd that a practical stranger gets the part of her that I have long craved, while I get to join her on playdates with the kids, and a dinner date with a couple of friends. WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME???? I asked her if she looked at the picture of me on the wall above the couch while he screwed her, thinking to herself *he gets me, and you don't!". It was a rhetorical question, but it hit home. In the end, she agreed to end the *relationship* with this guy, and to do it today. She finally did it, and she called me at 3pm to let me know she had. I can tell she still has feelings for the guy, which I guess is natural. How do I know she really cut it off with him? She told me that she informed him that she cannot do this at this time, and that she wishes to work on her marriage. She also told him that I found out about the two of them and what happened in my house Friday night.
I asked her how she felt about putting this guy out to pasture, and she said that she wishes that she had been able to meet him under different circumstances, that he is a guy she wanted to get to know better, and that he really is a very decent man. (awwwww....isn't that nice?) She said that this is not about him, that it's about the two of us, man and wife. I want so much more from her right now. I want to be invited back into the house, I want her to seem to want me more. I had the roughest afternoon of my life today, despite getting and accepting a job offer, which I start Monday.
We met tonight for the dinner, and we had an excellent time. We held each other, and kissed each other softly. We were very affectionate. We ended the evening by telling each other that we were comfortable with each other, and that it felt good just to have fun together again. We kissed, but her kisses still feel......is *remote* a good word? I'm impatient, and very anxious. I plan to drive by the house tonight to see if Mr. Fireman is paying a late night visit. Can't trust yet, even though I had a good time tonight. Her finishing words tonight were, as she looked caringly into my eyes, Remember: this is about you, and me...no one else. I have asked that we seek a top-notch therapist ASAP and get down to work. She agreed.
Am I being to nice to her? Am I being too easy on her? Am I depriving her of true happiness with this fireman by giving her an ultimatum? I am still hurting so much, and now I have to go to this lonely f#@king apartment to try and sleep. It's been a loooong day folks, but I'm hanging in there.
By the way, when do threads run out? This one's getting kinda long. I really want to express my gratitude and love to all of you who have followed this with me. I need you all badly, and am so thankful for your kind and supportive words. They carry so much weight right now, especially from Corri, who once said she could never last 2 minutes in a room with me. Them were the days.
