Esox, Kimmie, oh trust me, the sense of outrage, actually just rage, was very very strong. I've learnt to temper it, sometimes to the extent where I question how "detaching" can be a double edged sword. If W had given any indication that she had any feelings towards OM, that she was in contact for any reason beyond what she had to do for work at all, it wouldn't be the same Deep posting here now.
Thing is, just as how LBS can sometimes miss or ignore all the signs big and small that their spouse is switching off the M, I cannot ignore the signs that tell me W is truly remorseful and sincere. Some things you just can't express in words - I'm with W and I believe what I am seeing and feeling. This trust level is admittedly not 100% yet, but it's taken a lot of work and pain to be here.
And frankly, I don't give a hoot about the money. What I do have to bear in mind is this: financial security was a big part of what drove our M apart. And as she woke up, I could see she really did not like to see the person she was during the wayward period. There was resentment and negativity aplenty in our M, in how she felt towards the kids, and as a person. Maybe I'm being too soft, but I knew depriving her of the self esteem, pride, satisfaction she was having in her career after years of trying would leave her leaving even more empty. Sure, it's a problem she created, she should solve it. But I felt I saw real effect and commitment and did not want to make it more difficult than it had to be.
I have an idea how to deal with OM in the right time, right place, on my terms. Punishing W in the process does not come into it. And I've moved into an emotional place where I am ok with this.
We're NOT through with the healing process, not by some distance. I also accept that. We'll work on the positives we created, which are huge and for which I'm grateful.
OM will have no work relevance to W in a few weeks if all goes to plan. And no, I don't think a paternity test is necessary.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
