Quote: I feel so lonely, scared, worthless, ugly, confused, and sick to my stomach.
Cloud, please don't define yourself according to her actions. Hasn't that gone on long enough? We take a chance when we give people ultimatums and set boudaries with them. We have to live with their choices and fully realize that most of the time their choices are driven by confusion. What they choose to do is not a reflection on our worth as a person...it's a reflection on them and their ability to face their own problems. You have not ask for much from your wife...to be loved and wanted. What she has done is like a slap in the face and a cruel dismissal of you as a person. I'm angry with your wife Brian for showing so little concern for your feelings or the feelings of her daughter.
You need to dig really, really deep as you sit trying to rationalize her behavior. I know from your postings here that your wife has a history of getting what she wants when she wants it. Somewhere along the line she failed to learn empathy and this latest action is just more proof of that. There are many, many layers to her and what she has done is no reflection at all on who you are and what you are worth. You need to tinge that pain you are feeling with a little anger. Just enough to protect yourself and keep yourself from internalizing her actions.
Quote: I tried to tell her that she's just playing with fire, and that she's just going to play her feelings for him off her feelings for me, yet get nowhere.
Don't make the mistake of telling her how she is feeling. She will only look at it as you trying to control her and it will cause her to dig her heels in further. You have no idea what her motives are or what she is feeling and she probably doesn't either. Let her figure it out but stick with your ultimatum. You are right to not let yourself get caught in the middle. If she can't make a choice and work at constructively putting the family back together then cut her loose and let her hang herself.
I'm so sorry she has done this. I can't imagine how it feels but can empathize and I do greatly. Brian, she is just acting out. There is no way she has feelings for this person. You guys have not been separated long enough for that to happen. Her thinking is skewed and right now her values are misplaced. Don't buy into her mindset.
I'm glad you are now in a place of your own. I know it's lonely but maybe you can have the girls with you a lot on the weekends to fill time and space with. Go out and blow some cash on a computer and keep in touch with us here often. Don't be led by your feelings and continue to stand your ground. Cathy~
