"My dad basically said, your wife has problems, get a divorce and make a fresh start. My sister is mailing me all sorts of stuff on father's rights, etc"
Sometimes family see thing clearly.
You do know that this woman isn't your friend now don't you? Friends don't hurt each other on purpose. They just don't. She wants to divorce you, take your home, your kids, and most of your income. She wants to do this and she wants you to cooperate and help her rape you. Don't do this.
I'm sure you know, but divorce is terrible for kids. This certainly isn't in there interest. Kids don't care if their parents are happy, they want their family together. Perhaps get a copy of The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce by Judith Wallerstein and read it. Perhps she will too. Probably not though.
You do have a lawyer don't you?
I'm a man . . . But I can change . . . If I have to . . . I guess . . .
She's not showing signs of being that aggressive, and she's talking about using a mediator. That said, I'm working on the lawyer bit, left messages today. Yes I'm cautious, but I think it's everyone's best interest to keep from getting nasty.
That said - she sent an email today saying they need to know how to deliver the papers - which we already talked about. I called her up and asked, what's the problem? I thought they were coming tonight. SHe said OK, I said OK, and hung up. Didn't mean to be rude, but I just did it. Well, that's a 180.
Called her back later though, saying I was going to the store. Things have been pretty restrained tonight. I guess they're coming at 9:00. I just really haven't talked to her much. Not sure how to act really, bit I guess I"m just aloof. Took the boys for a walk again.
Hate this.
According to some interpretations of quantum physics, there is a parallel universe where this isn't happening. Maybe I'll wake up there tomorrow.
Bill, I'm sorry. I think that's the hardest part--getting the papers.
Good on the phone call. You want to be polite, businesslike, and brief. Treat her like the mailman someone here told me, and I think that's a good one.
Focus on being the best you and the best dad. You need to do more GALing now to keep your mind off everything. It really does help.
Meet with your L as soon as you can. That will help too.
This process takes a while. It's not over yet. I just spoke to a friend yesterday who had filed for D and then she realized she missed him, it was very $$$, and reality set in, she dropped it. They're now attending MC and she says she's happy. (Seemed a lot happier than when she was planning on D). Your W will be finding consequences too. Don't rescue her from them or try to help her with them.
Realized the reason I couldn't get out of bed the other day was that I'd over-medicated again. Stupid. Well, that's my story, rather than I really just couldn't get out of bed.
I woke up at 4:00 this morning, like regular, and didn't take anything else - made things easier even though I'm not well-rested.
I filled out a form online for a local lawyer the other day, but haven't heard back. Left messages yesterday afternoon at a couple of places, hopefully I'll get a call this morning.
Can't seem to get ahold of anyone. Frustrating.
Yeah W is upset. She was hiding out in her room last night, before the guy came. I knocked on the door and just said, you don't have to hide out. She came up and watched TV with me for awhile. When the guy came, she couldn't take it and disappeared.
As much as she's saying she doesn't want to "take me for all I'm worth", the papers say she wants exclusive access to the house, spousal support, child support - even though it says joint legal and physical custotody, and can support herself just fine if she works full-time - she's a physical therapist. I'm not just not sure what to think about all this.
I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to DO with these papers yet - I guess a response is required. Instructions are not clear. Need to get an appointment with the laywer. Says a mediation appt is set for Sept 4, court date 10/1.
I guess I should go to band practice tonight. Was thinking about skipping and sleeping, but will be good to get out.
How have you guys determined if the L was a good fit / match? I guess just talking to her on the phone, I'm trying to get an impression. It's hard to turn youself over to someone you don't know.
Lawyer fit? I was encouraged to hire a bulldog atty. my brother liked (who paid for most of my L fees). I thought it might be a good match b/c I tend to be agreeable maybe too much sometimes. But I think the D can be more expensive b/c of that. She doesn't like to agree to anything! And it's dragged it out too-over a year now.
I don't like the way she treats me (everyone). She has an abrasive personality. I've seen others complain here of having a L with too agreeable of a personality and their Ls not filing paperwork they should. So maybe someone in the middle of those two extremes? You can probably get a feel for them even in one meeting I think, maybe ask them their philosophy on lawyering? Mine is old school adversarial all the way, and others maybe too buddy-buddy with the other Ls. I think you should also tell them how you want to handle this: drag it out, rush it through, or just defensive and deal with each motion/hearing as it comes (kind of in-between).
I would look at the money they charge for the hour also. The retainer for mine was $2500 and I think it has been about $8000 or so far and not over until November. I'm hoping if there's further L fees, my stbx will have to pay for them. One of my friends hired a D L and she was charging $300 or so by the hour and mine is $150. It probably depends on the area where you live though.
I don't know what else to day. I'm really struggling today. At this point it's just a matter of getting through each moment.
Originally Posted By: karen43
This process takes a while. It's not over yet. I just spoke to a friend yesterday who had filed for D and then she realized she missed him, it was very $$$, and reality set in, she dropped it. They're now attending MC and she says she's happy. (Seemed a lot happier than when she was planning on D). Your W will be finding consequences too. Don't rescue her from them or try to help her with them.
