And it's very revealing to your level of growth and understanding when you say you don't want anything bad to happen to him, and that you hope he'll treat the next good woman better. No wonder you are feeling good. I bet he will "wake" up eventually, probably due to some other emotional loss. By then you will have left him far behind in the dust. I on the other hand, am hoping my bf never meets a good woman again. I guess I better work on that if I aspire to the state of mind you are reaching. Hey I couldn't find your picture in the paper? I don't mind if you post a link. ;-)
Okay so update. stbx actually called me last night. Now I have not talked to him in almost five months. Why call now?
My BK payments are behind because I lost my job and he got notice from the trustee. I just so happened to get the life insurance check yesterday in the mail, so I planned to get the certified check today to catch up, and told him that. Then he tells me that it is not his immigration status that has prevented him from filing, it is the fact that he was in a very bad car accident about three months ago and has been trying to pay the repairs to his truck. I told him I had said some mean things because I was very angry at the fact that he could not be supportive when my brother died. Not only that, but he had been very mean to me the last four months, and it really ticked me off. He said he thought I was using the situation to try to reconcile with him.
WTF? I mean seriously dude...MY BROTHER DIED. I didn't give a sh!t about that at this point, but he thinks that is what it is. Jerk. I told him that was not the case, and that I had given up on him a long time ago.
I mean, seriously, can we get more conceited? He said he knew he could get the filing fee for the divorce from me, but it was a matter of pride. I told him that he had no right to be proud anymore, and that I just wanted to move on with my life.
The thing that kills me is why call me now? I mean I have been really mean to him the last few texts I have been trying to send him, because frankly I just don't care anymore. And NOW he wants to call?
WTF?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
This is the article. I am in the background with my head tilted and the HUH???? look on my face...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
A friend pointed out to me that because I reminded him of who my dad was last week, he is CYAing and calling me to tell me its not the immigration status that keeps him married to me, but the fact that he had this car accident and was out of work.
The thing is, I still miss him sometimes. Not who he is now, but who he was when I married him, and this letting go is very hard. Part of me believes he will come to his senses, and no matter how hard I try, I can't shake that feeling.
But the other part realizes that no matter what happens, I will never be able to trust him again. There is no love, no marriage, without trust. I will constantly wonder where he is going, if he is sleeping with someone else.
I loved this man so completely, and for the first time allowed myself to really feel love 100% for someone. And he crapped all over it. I will never be able to forget that.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I do think trust can be restored. But only when the offending party is willing to make the injured feel safe again. It's built back brick by brick little by little. But it's a mute point unless he's willing to grovel and make amends. But he's so arrogant and selfish, I don't know when he'll come to his sense. It's so painful to have someone treat your love like that. Some people just don't know how to love Lola, or appreciate when someone loves them.
I can relate to what you say about missing who he was. Those of us left behind do tend to look back with the rosey glasses and see all the best parts of the r. I remember telling my xh during our bomb phase that all our experiences were like pearls and how they were all strung together to make a chain that becomes more and more valuable with each added pearl. I tried ot appeal to all those good memories. But he was stringing new pearls with ow and it meant nothing to him. Ultimately we just can't make someone see what they don't want to see.
I saw your pic. I guess I did find it in my original search but didn't realize that was the right one and you described yourself as having a wtf expression, but I didn't read it like that. Wow there you are in the paper. Cool.
I get all that, but the thing is, much as I love him, I don't want him back either.
I want to start over. I think you are right, R, he is too arrogant. He also cannot take any responsibility for his actions, rather blames it on everyone else. I mean, seriously, he couldn't sit with me for ten minutes because he was afraid I was going to seduce him? For crying out loud, my brother died. I needed someone, anyone at that point. Who thinks like that?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Lola, I know how you feel. And I tried too, to remind him of our past, of our dreams, of our good moments. His eyes back then were...cold and empty. Now I know as well he was stringing "pearls" with the other woman. Funny, as he has been acting cold and distant to her for the last few months, SHE is now using THEIR memories and past to get him back. And it seems to be working some. I almost told her she should DB him for better results -lol...
Your H showed lack of character during the shock of your brother's death. That's something I wouldnt be able to forgive either. The hurt is there. For most of us, if not for all of us. No easy way around it. Day by day Lola, xxx K
Its not even like I think he was calling to try to reconcile, I don't. And frankly, I am really doing well. Even might have a little house.
I was very content just doing text and emailing. Do they even understand how much they mess with us when they call?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
So big news...found an apartment!!! It is small, but homey and lots of windows. Bedrooms are at the opposite end, and I can really see decorating this place. I will actually get the final word, i hope, sometime this afternoon. Started ordering furniture, I am so excited. Bought a tone of stuff from a great antique shop in the little village I am now living in.
Sent stbx a text regarding the POA to register my car in NY. Amazes me that he expects an answer from me, but doesn't think he has to reciprocate, so I said Well I am not a psychic is that okay? He said yes. Dumass.
I feel completely at peace...and now it is time for me to get back to work.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
