So I read through this last thread a couple of times and by the time I finished you seemed to answer your own question. I don't know you or your situation very well at all but 3 things jump out at me.
1) You don't seem detached. 2) You seem like an awesome person and I can't imagine you ever going out with a person that doesn't even ask in a genuine and compelling way. 3) You don't seem detached.
...and no you don't curse too much. Works fine for me
Ha, ya, I hear you on the detachment BUT, the truth is that I am happy. I am ok without him. I am attracted to other men. I am making plans for my life without him.
I do not foresee my little of window of possibility closing off any time soon. I am just a hopeless romantic and I think how the f do I know where he will be or I will be further down the line? Something like 1/5 of all divorced couples remarry each other...
Of course I would love to ease my childrens' suffering and honor the vision and the vows H and I took...but, I am in reality. Same thing as the quote I just posted on your thread.
I am in a sort of open space of possibilities in every area of my life...career, where I will live, relationships...everything is starting over...so I feel sort of weightless.
But, I am still a living breathing human and I know that I am interacting with another whom I have a great deal of history and connection too (2 kids and not divorced yet) so I spin just a little.
It is hard for me to be decisive (can you tell) but like I said, I've handled multiple situations as of recent and done it with no fanfare, no drama...it is awesome.
Anyway, leaning toward, "thanks but I have plans."
Oh, there's poor, AAK, accepting her breadcrumb of attention.
Excuse me while I vomit.
This just seems so sadistic...really.
But, I must say that he has changed a lot of his flashy behaviors. Not enough to convince me but a lot.
And, there does not appear to be OW...too much time on his hands, too much contacting me and NO action on facebook. But, anyway, back to not caring I go...
Well, this reminds me of me in some ways. I has some selfish flirts and and half-hearted attempts. But I have to tell you when I really woke up and realized how I felt and what was at stake, I got serious real fast. When OM came into the picture and I knew I might not ever have her back, well that's the worst feeling I've experienced in my life.
I don't know enough about this stuff to even be allowed to post here, but it seems to me that you'd know if H was at the point where he really woke up and got it. If he isn't then Gucci wisdom would prevail, no?
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
Oh, I want to add that I have also been racking my brain about whether or not to text another him who I like, so this is kind of my style...aargh. I'm just really not good with this gamey stuff.
Meaning, I do feel relatively detached, I am just a bit of a spaz when it comes to communicating with guys, I guess. I do well with straight forward and candid...not the temperature taking and pussy-footing.
maybe that's what I need to stick with, it is after all who I am.
I think Gucci would say to tell H I have other plans (or maybe not even respond)...
It is hard for me to be decisive (can you tell) but like I said, I've handled multiple situations as of recent and done it with no fanfare, no drama...it is awesome.
Anyway, leaning toward, "thanks but I have plans."
Why is this so hard?
Hard? The people on this site are doing stuff that I never even imagined possible. To save a marriage by detaching and moving on with your life. Those two things don't naturally go together. It seems almost impossible. But it makes sense!
It seems like you're on a really good path. I'm on a good path. We need to help each other stay on it.
Last edited by RedSoxFan; 08/27/0902:43 AM.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
without the "I have plans" Depending on what approach you're taking you either
a) force him to think about it and ask you why not
or
b) you let him figure out why not for himself.
Last edited by RedSoxFan; 08/27/0902:49 AM.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
Ok, so what is REALLY happening is that I am feeling guilty because I rejected him so much in the marriage and he really tried to get me to come out with him and it is hard to be in that position now.
Not so detached but seriously, not the end of the world either. I am not off my course, just being honest. This only a temporary lapse. And really, it feels so shallow and harmless compared to where I would go before.
Pertinent to know, I did spend a solid few months doing 180s and trying to be a different wife to him post separation and every time we had sex or had a good time together, he'd get flustered and rationalize it in some negative way. So, I stopped and just got very depressed and immobilized and now in a good place with boundaries and while friendy, I do my own thing and don't engage with him.
LOL...I wasn't thanking you back, I was saying that if I were you I would say "No Thank You" to him (see above).
and btw you're very welcome
Last edited by RedSoxFan; 08/27/0903:13 AM.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
But seeing as he is the him that has devastated my life (although not so much cuz I'm happier now, maybe I should take him out and thank him) and he sure caused our kids some heartache...I dunno..
I had to read the post I clipped the above from a couple times, and no matter how many times and how many ways I read it, that sentence above just kept leaping out at me, as if it were in neon.
To me, it's like Prego -- it's in there. Forgive me for projecting a bit, but this is just my reading -- in your eyes, Monsoor is HIM, the guy that visited all this crap on you (frankly, he's that guy in my eyes, too, but my eyes don't really matter here FWIW). As long as that's the case, "companionship" beyond Friendiness just don't seem to be in order, ya know?
We had back-to-school night tonight, and WAW and I went like perfectly Normal People, and even though I'm rather more detached than you are, I totally "get" what you mean by the fear of seeming-to-approve -- a lot of folks over there at the school "know" about Signore and "know" about the D and I had a flash of concern that my being so open and forthcoming and laughing with WAW -- all of which was sincere, BTW -- would be (mis)construed as having accepted what she did (not acceptance in the DB-sense but in the "I'm okay with Signore boning my wife" sense).
But then I just rolled with it the way @Gypsy reminded me was the only way to roll with it -- just as I can't control WAW, I can't control What People Think.
Not that it matters, but I think you're great. You seem to be doing pretty well, getting you sh*t ship-shape and Bristol fashion, and maybe it's just Too Dam Early at this stage for accompanying Monsoor out on the town as Co-Parent. Go to the matinee, go separately and sit in separate sections (depends, of course, on the venue), but I sense that you've already answered the question of going "with" Monsoor yourself.
"I think knowing what you cannot do is more important than knowing what you can do." Lucille Ball
