Ashlee- I have found after a year of doing this, that my friends and family do think I am crazy. They probably think I am weak, and just so blinded by love I can't see clearly, etc. etc. I don't really talk to any of them about H anymore because they don't understand why I am still trying. I rely so much on this sight to come to because no one else seems to get it.
My DB coach told me a long time ago to tell my family "I appreciate your concern, and I am also concerned, but I have to feel confident I have done all I can so I have no regrets".
You don't have to justify your actions to anyone. YOU are the one who hsa to love with the situation, not your friends.
Also, remember your friends mean well, but they just want you to stop hurting now. So, don't confuse their support with advice. In the end, they are just providing support.
I'm tired of H not caring. I'm tired of acting like everything is great. I'm tired of his lying. I'm tired of watching my H destroy his relationship with S. I'm sick and tired of knowing he's cheating and he doesn't give it a second thought. I'm tired of feeling like a d@mn fool. I hate that my S has such disrespect for his father and my H doesn't 'get it'. I hate that the littlest things can get me crying. Tonight it was Mamma Mia and the song "The winner takes it all." I feel like the loser standing small...
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
Well, you are definately not the looser because you are fighting for your marriage and family and that is the most noble thing anyone can do. He will be the loser if he doesn't get his head straightened out and looses his S and W.
I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm trying to hang in there til September to see if H goes to meet OW. I have no further information on their plans so it's a wait and see game. Needless to say, I'm really hoping he doesn't do it because that will change everything.
H is still teetering. He throws out these tiny, tiny morsels of hope which really don't amount to a darn thing.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
I KNOW better than to EVER think things can't get worse. I don't know how many times I've said it in my life. Time and time again and yet, here I am, baffled.
H received a call from SIL regarding issue with S. Apparently a sitch occurred with a cousin a few weeks ago. H and I spoke with S today. S tells us what happened. I tend to believe S and now have a dilemma because stories aren't consistent. Have more information coming, so have to be patient...
What's the problem? S was embarrassed (understandably) but also feels completely betrayed by an adult he trusted (and rightfully so). S tells me after our conversation that he thought if he killed him it would be easier for him instead of the family thinking bad of him. Oh yeah...turn my life upside down.
S assures me he'd never do it. Made up a suicide contract and had him sign it tonight. Also will get counseling appointment set up tomorrow.
I can assure you this will turn into a disaster with the in-laws. No doubt.
I keep telling myself - God does not give you more than you can handle.
Prayers, please.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
I found a new counselor this past week for myself. I could tell right off the bat she's a good fit. Thank God...
S is much, much better today. We still have a lot to deal with when it comes to my in-laws and some false accusations made. In some respects it will be a very delicate situation to deal with as the one making the allegations is the daughter of my BIL that passed away in June.
On a positive note, H and I became a united front last night in dealing with this issue. We spoke with S together and overall it went really well. We are both 100% behind S and will stick together and deal with the issues as necessary.
In regards to my M, I am still in the dark. I have done well in not asking relationship questions or talking about OW. I have not snooped in a few weeks. (though I've been tempted I have refrained)
The most difficult part is waiting it out and not knowing. H shows signs here and there of wanting to work on things but I do not push at all. I had a girls night this week, which was great. S and I are going to my sister's for most of the weekend. I have quite a few things planned next week...I have joined the PTA at my S's school. This is all in the spirit of GALing.
Patience...it's a quality that I've never really embraced...and now I have no choice. Boy oh boy what a pill to swallow.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
