I know she's in a bind as she tries to find her way through everything. I love her dearly and want her back but remember, I left her 10 months ago, not the other way around. I want to save our marriage and keep our family together, but I also realize my role in all of this and I know how hard all of this is for her.
I completely get that but once again-
“This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”
Hey RedSox, can I get you for a sec on my thread? My H left 9 months ago, blamed me for everything, paraded around with other women, kept trying to get down my pants and keep tabs on me but always insisted he was "done"...is really narcissistic (brags and is very self-involved) but loves his kids. Now that I am finally detached and moving on he keeps mentioning us maybe going out and just emailed me inviting me out Saturday night.
Oh, prior to my detaching, I went through the worst hell I've ever been through in my life coping with all of this.
Sorry for the hijack but I'd like your two cents...
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
If you REALLY want to win this battle, you have to be the one to relieve the pressure on her. She will remember it. Tell her to go on the trip. You’re fine with it. Tell her you don’t want to be the one to add to her stress or make her feel bad about living her life. You just want her to live a good one…with or without. Preferably with you, but good no matter what.
If you REALLY want to win this battle, you have to be the one to relieve the pressure on her. She will remember it. Tell her to go on the trip. You’re fine with it. Tell her you don’t want to be the one to add to her stress or make her feel bad about living her life. You just want her to live a good one…with or without. Preferably with you, but good no matter what.
I really, really want to win this battle.
Your suggestion above is exactly what my gut is telling me Stronger but it goes counter to a lot of the advice given on this site. I'm afraid that I could be working toward making her completely comfortable in the current situation and relationship with OM. That scares me to death.
Last edited by RedSoxFan; 08/27/0904:17 PM.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
Just my opinion....if you are pressuring her to not go, or she feels that you are...not good. If she feels he's pressuring her to go, or she feels that he is...not good.
So, if one of you were to let up on the pressure....IMO, that's who's going to win this battle.
It's hard, I know. You'll make the right choice though.
I may have another suggestion....tell me more about this trip... Lots of kids? Including his? Would your kids have fun? Or would you think they'd rather be with you?
Don't say anything. Don't make it easy for her. If she asks you what you think be very clear. No expectations for what she is going to do. Don't get emotional. Be a great Dad to your kids. Improve your home. Talk about and take actions on your goals. Improve yourself physically, mentally ,emotionally and spiritually.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Just my opinion....if you are pressuring her to not go, or she feels that you are...not good. If she feels he's pressuring her to go, or she feels that he is...not good.
So, if one of you were to let up on the pressure....IMO, that's who's going to win this battle.
It's hard, I know. You'll make the right choice though.
I'm not pressuring her. But she has pressure from him to attend. I'm trying to understand if I should step up more and alleviate the pressure by allowing her to go to him. Making it easy for her to spend time with him.
The other option is for me to just stay in the background and let her decide. I'm not making it easy for her but I'm not pressuring. She does have pressure from me though regardless. She knows I love her and she said it hurts her to do things with him because she knows she's hurting me. Seems like a little bit of that kind of pressure might be good. I dont want to take all the pressure off because then OM won't need to pressure her and I think thats a big place where he can fail.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
