for example if she works late 2 nights a week does that mean she should get a night out? personally I feel she probably doesn't budget her time well but that's a conversation that should have some fireworks
This is something that should not have "fireworks." You don't even know what you think is reasonable. So, think about it. You know your schedule...
Should she "get" a night out depends on what you are both comfortable with. Your opinion that she doesn't budget her time well isn't going to help...how often are you willing to be home with the kids? For work or play, what works for you?
