Okay, H got home at around 11.30pm. I was already in bed but heard him arrive so got up to let him in. He said that he had been calling me, I explained that my phone is in my bag so wouldn't have heard it.
H announced that he had not gone rock climbing in the end as two co workers wanted to have dinner with him, I said oh that's a shame you were looking forward to the rock climbing.
He announced that the motorcycle industry had claimed another two marriages. These two co workers marriages are on the rocks because of the long hours etc etc. I didn't know what to say, as I wasn't sure if he was now blaming his job for his behaviour rather than just wanting to be the single guy, it kind of confused me a bit. I didn't want to start any R talks at that time of night though.
I said that was a shame and hoped they could work it out. He climbed into bed looking at me, then picked up his book to read. He asked if I had kept his dinner, I said I had and he said he would take it to work for lunch the next day.
He left for work this morning, not long ago, kissed me and actually touched me and said see you tonight. As always I wait till he goes waving goodbye.
He was actually chatty when he came home telling me about how his night went which is unusual. I don't know if I was wrong not to engage the conversation further, but I felt that the it was too late to begin such a conversation. I hope I haven't messed anything up.
As I lay next to him last night, he didn't move away from me or anything, didn't touch me but at least didn't move further away. It would have been so easy for me and I so wanted to just reach out and hug and kiss him, but thought better of it, don't want to upset any good work that I have done so far, but gee it's hard not to.
Great job not responding to his announcement of the other failed marriages. He could have been putting it out there to open up a discussion about your marriage. You're right, it was too late to discuss and maybe he needed some further time to reflect anyway.
He seems really confused and hence the mixed messages.
Doing well, Oz. Calm, patient and certainly providing H with food for thought!
Does anyone have any thoughts on whether I should bring up the topic and ask what he meant by "another two marriages" I am really curious as to if he is referring to us or if there are others at work going through this or do I just let it lie. I am also very curious as to who wants out of the marriages in these two cases.
No reply yet either about the party. Good sign I hope.
I think he is very confused as well, I think that is why he has not left yet and the fact that when he comes home at night regardless of the time, I am relaxed and happy and so our home feels relaxed with no tension in the air.
I am so excited that I get to see my S tomorrow, it will be so good to see him again.
As I lay next to him last night, ... It would have been so easy for me and I so wanted to just reach out and hug and kiss him,
I SO hear you on this. Sigh.
Isn't it funny how bits and pieces of other people's sitches will resonate with us, especially if it's something we don't have in our own sitch? People tell me how good things are going for me all the time - and they are. But when I read this, wow. I'd really like to be in the same bed with my H even if I couldn't touch him.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Yes I find that too when I read other people's sitches, bits and pieces jump out and you and you nod.
It is so hard to fight the urge to touch, especially when all of us have spent half our lives touching that one person we love so much then to not be able to touch is just so cruel.
Oz - you really are doing well ... you are so controlled in all areas of what is going on - even though you still question yourself, you have the insight to not act - and that is good DB'ing!
I agree with Cas that you should ask nothing - you handled the situation perfectly and whilst I know that the yearning to reach out and touch H is so overwhelming, you conquered that too.
For now, H has set the rules and you are merely playing by them, which is to your credit. He needs to feel the pinch before his elastic band is ready to 'twang' back! At times, it's easy to ask whether these MLC H's are mad or just bad The more I am learning however, the more I am convinced that they are medically 'ill' - and yes, that is my professional opinion.
You have a tough weekend ahead of you and still so many uncertainties. Look for the positives rather than the negative s there though and just consider who will be beside you - D yes, but now long awaited S too ... and that will give you the wings to fly through the weekend. You also stand to 'win' a bonus if H muscles in but of course, that would be a pure bonus and something that we can hope for but not put our faith in. The faith is here with us - this is the reality and this is where those that are 'with you' will remain until you need us no longer.
You are doing so well (((Oz))) - you hang in there and keep doing more of what works and less of what does not. You know the mantra's by now!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
It's like the "Wet Paint, Don't Touch" sign, you know you shouldn't but you just want to badly.
I felt like a naughty kid last night when he did get into bed and I wondered what would happen if I did touch or make a move, would I get a slap on the wrist and be sent to the naughty corner or would he be receptive.
I displayed great self control but my goodness was it hard.
Have to start planning my killer outfit for the party Saturday night, dress code smart casual but I intend to sexy it up a bit not over the top out there stuff, just so it gets H's attention any suggestions gratefully accepted.
The more I am learning however, the more I am convinced that they are medically 'ill' - and yes, that is my professional opinion.