Need Advice, WAW wants to give it a month

[trrose]

ill go for nailin pailin

[aliveandkicking]

Not that you asked but I'm giving my take on this -

Perhaps it is time to separate before you hate her.

I think he could knock her socks off first but we'll see.

Also, she can't treat you as a babysitter unless you let her.

Absolutely right!!!

Plan to be away from the house a few nights a week and go somewhere.

Don't do tit for tat (sorry I said tit...calm down)...

You are the grown up. Do what makes sense. Be reasonable. Two VERY young children. Just absolutely make sure you're taking care of yourself and not accommodating her unreasonable expectations regarding her social life. Two young kids with two parents each out a few nights a week is f*cking with the kids. Don't play with that. I've been out once or twice a week since H and I separated and it drove/drives him crazy...and I have fun. But my kids need their mom. And in your case, they need you.

I would not date because I don't think it is ethical to play with another's emotions that way. And you are married so of course sex with someone else is off the table. Divorce and have all she sex you want. With willing partners that appreciate what you have to offer. Now that will certainly make you feel better, but it will be hell for you kids.

Yep.

I think the best option though is get this marriage to a stage where you have all the sex you want with a willing wife that appreciates what you have to offer. But, I'm not smart enough to tell you how to get there.

Ha. You are plenty smart! But with a goal of having "all the sex you want with a willing wife that appreciates what you have to offer"...

Good luck with that. There are two people involved, you're never gonna get ALL of the sex or anything else you want...but, you can get a lot of great sex and be appreciated. Or you can get a blow up doll but she wont necessarily express appreciation.

[aliveandkicking]

4. i tend to exaggerate at times and can be dramatic

Do you know why you do this?

What is her reaction to it?

This is a bigger deal than you may think.
_________________________

why do i do it...dont know..perhaps a defense posture..i get nervous so i do a preemptive strike?

also grew up that way alot of drama in the house

her reaction, well she doesnt like it

Work with me here.

Do you exaggerate with other people too? Do you act dramatic with other people too? Or just her?

Can you be specific about what her reaction is? Seriously, what does she do/say?

I am getting somewhere with this...my H behaved the same way and I can tell you, at least for me why it is a huge issue.

But first...answer, pleeeaaase...

[trrose]

Do you exaggerate with other people too? Do you act dramatic with other people too? Or just her?

Can you be specific about what her reaction is? Seriously, what does she do/say?

I am getting somewhere with this...my H behaved the same way and I can tell you, at least for me why it is a huge issue.

But first...answer, pleeeaaase.

Gee now the pressure is on me and i dont know ..i just polled my assistant and a friend of mine at the office...they dont think i exaggerate but i am a drama queen...which is better?

I asked my wife and she said that i am both...she said her reaction is that she cant have a conversation with me because im not being realistic...so lets say she withdraws

[aliveandkicking]

Do you exaggerate with other people too? Do you act dramatic with other people too? Or just her?

Can you be specific about what her reaction is? Seriously, what does she do/say?

I am getting somewhere with this...my H behaved the same way and I can tell you, at least for me why it is a huge issue.

But first...answer, pleeeaaase.

Gee now the pressure is on me and i dont know ..i just polled my assistant and a friend of mine at the office...they dont think i exaggerate but i am a drama queen...which is better?

I asked my wife and she said that i am both...she said her reaction is that she cant have a conversation with me because im not being realistic...so lets say she withdraws

Ok. My opinion and experience here, obviously. Exaggerating and being dramatic exhibit dishonesty, insecurity and insincerity. Three things we women tend to be not just un-attracted to but threatened and frightened by.

The "not being realistic" means she's on her own. You are useless and busy spinning around while she has to TCB...

The exaggerating and drama come from insecurity and not being ok in your own skin and with "reality"...W makes you uncomfortable by withdrawing and chastising you and the dynamic just feeds itself. Make sense?

My H's exaggerating and drama (he's always the center of attention) was endearing and attractive when we were dating. I wasn't so dependent on him so it didn't hit me as a real sign of insecurity (well it sort of did but I looked past it cuz he was cute and I loved him)...it is all fine and good for a youngster but this is your time to grow up, man up, face your demons and either foray into the big league of manliness or d*ck around. You can do this with or without your W. Or, not at all...which will suck for your kids cuz you'll be fun but un-predictable and they'll feel as insecure as she does with you...

You can be fun and playful and still be present, confident and in reality...

I think Coach could cover some of this ground better than I since I am on the female side of this.

Resonate? Mean anything to you?

[Esox]

Alive,

I think what really is going to f with the kids is when/if they divorce and if he doesn't do something to moderate this situation they just might.

He is resentful as H about her leaving the house all the time. He can't stop her from leaving, but he can certainly cause her to parent a bit by not enabling her to force the kids on him all the time. My wife did this for years, well until I stopped letting her. It is strange, when I decided to Get A Life and do a few things in the evenings, perhaps she realized it is hard work to single parent. We are both pretty good parents, so the kids certainly didn't suffer. And my kids are in bed by 8:30 PM so there was ample time for me to leave after they were down.

FWIW

[aliveandkicking]

but he can certainly cause her to parent a bit by not enabling her to force the kids on him all the time.

Totally agree.

After 8:30. You're right.

[trrose]

running to appointment will read and respond

[trrose]

all due respect. while there may be shades of truth in what u r saying you r mostly off the mark.
not entirely your fault since I did refer to myself as a drama queen.

my wife knows me as a guy who is a straight shooter and very upfront bottom line guy.
I can tend to be dramatic at times but it usually happens when I'm nervous about something..my wife would tell u in my personal life I'm pretty laid back..not a lot really bothers me.
also do need and don't like to be the center of attention. I checked out your sitch and I think your H was higher on the drama scale. doesn't mean there isn't some truth there..
I think my wife doesn't feel comfotable talking to me when I'm like that because she thinks I'm not being rational and calm...

one issue that we have is that I'm a bottom line solution oriented cut to the chase guy...she is more of an analyzer so we both get frustrated w one another...if we r both on A I'm at Z while she is at C..and I have to wait while she analyzes why C comes after B and why D next...its a really big problem for me and it causes me a lot of frustration and anger

[trrose]

you may have legs on the unpredictable part...i will admit that there r times my W will be afraid to speak to me bec she has no idea how I will react..