I need some help on next steps. There is one thing that seems important near-term. She has the kids this upcoming weekend. There is a big memorial camping trip that he is expecting her to go on. I know she's worried about how to handle it. She feels like her options are lose-lose. Make up an excuse and lie. Go and hurt me. Tell him she can't go because it will hurt me and consequently hurt him.
Should I volunteer to take the kids so she can go or leave it to her to figure out what she wants to do?
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
I am sorry, dont know what to advice. Usually here we say "dont save the WAS", and I agree with that big time so that they can feel the consequences, in your case, I am not sure. What is your gut feeling telling you? Would she TELL you she is worried?
I am sorry, dont know what to advice. Usually here we say "dont save the WAS", and I agree with that big time so that they can feel the consequences, in your case, I am not sure. What is your gut feeling telling you? Would she TELL you she is worried?
She told me she is worried, I just don't know how far to go. I want to take the high road, stay in the game, out last him and let him blow it. I just don't know how far I should go before I'm working against myself.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
I need some help on next steps. There is one thing that seems important near-term. She has the kids this upcoming weekend. There is a big memorial camping trip that he is expecting her to go on. I know she's worried about how to handle it. She feels like her options are lose-lose. Make up an excuse and lie. Go and hurt me. Tell him she can't go because it will hurt me and consequently hurt him.
Should I volunteer to take the kids so she can go or leave it to her to figure out what she wants to do?
I am all about the kids' well being but she MUST figure this one out. No, you can't take the kids so she can go with OM. If she asks specifically, well, you'll have to decide...
But, you keeping her from making one stupid choice with the kids will not help in the long run. If she doesn't have the presence of mind to keep them away from him right now, she will do it again in the future.
This is my opinion obviously. H and I have discussed him not having kids around any other women unless it is really serious (as in together a year+)...but, I can't be his babysitter while he runs off with OW. Not while we are still married and there is so much yet to be processed and dealt with.
I am sorry, dont know what to advice. Usually here we say "dont save the WAS", and I agree with that big time so that they can feel the consequences, in your case, I am not sure. What is your gut feeling telling you? Would she TELL you she is worried?
She told me she is worried, I just don't know how far to go. I want to take the high road, stay in the game, out last him and let him blow it. I just don't know how far I should go before I'm working against myself.
I don't think he'll blow it if he goes away alone with her...think about it.
I am all about the kids' well being but she MUST figure this one out. No, you can't take the kids so she can go with OM. If she asks specifically, well, you'll have to decide...
But, you keeping her from making one stupid choice with the kids will not help in the long run. If she doesn't have the presence of mind to keep them away from him right now, she will do it again in the future.
This is my opinion obviously. H and I have discussed him not having kids around any other women unless it is really serious (as in together a year+)...but, I can't be his babysitter while he runs off with OW. Not while we are still married and there is so much yet to be processed and dealt with.
What do you think?
Gotcha. This would be more like me being proactive and trying to show her that I care. She won't take the kids with her. She's not that kind of person. She made a mistake earlier and agreed not to do it. She loves our children very very much.
I know she's in a bind as she tries to find her way through everything. I love her dearly and want her back but remember, I left her 10 months ago, not the other way around. I want to save our marriage and keep our family together, but I also realize my role in all of this and I know how hard all of this is for her.
I'm just struggling to find balance between being her friend and saving our marriage. Does that make sense?
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
I don't think he'll blow it if he goes away alone with her...think about it.
Good point. This is an event that he's expecting her to attend. She has a lot of pressure on her from him. I guess from me as well although I am trying to back off, she still feels the pressure because she knows that I love her and want to save our marriage.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
Hi Kalni, I was told to get in touch with you to hook up with others on Facebook group or something like that. sorry for trying to touch base this way but dont know how this thing works
TR Rose T-10 M-6 H-39- W-36- S-4 D-1 Bomb 4/09 Blow up 8/09 1st thread 2nd thread 3rd thread
