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I noticed at her house that she has put her clothes onto my side of the closet, basically taking it over. She has also changed the passcode on our voicemail system. I take these as signs of her own resignation. Should I? As for the other man, I discovered that by seeing a journal in the house, and reading it. It was her private thoughts from last week, and I just have to keep it inside, as much as it hurts.. That's what I get for reading her personal notes. Having her write things like..."I imagine what it would be like to kiss and make love to a man that I am truly attracted to", and "I keep obsessing about (Mr. Fireman)"...hurts a lot, but also kinda tells me what I already suspected: that she doesn't love me, that she doesn't find me attractive, and that I'm being kept around for reasons that have nothing to do with me being a serious partner in her life. I hate myself.




Man, all I can say is I'm sorry. I somewhat feel you. I at times hate or at least I'm very angry at myself for letting this situation get to where it is. I tell you something my mom always has told me. Hate is a wasteful emotion. It's worse if you are directing it towards yourself. I know it's hard by try and direct that energy elsewhere.

I also know how you feel finding out about another guy. I went looking and found what I didn't want to find. I haven't found a journal or anything like that. But it's the same. Perhaps my W is telling the truth and nothing has gotten past the emotional stage. But to think it was there is hard.

Just because your W RIGHT NOW appears to be moving on, it doesn't mean you need to. The only person who can tell when it's time to stop trying is YOU in the privacy of your own thoughts. On the upside, at least you have a fireman to worry about. I have a cart boy I know a little bad humor.

I can say that from a long time ago, I know how things like this work. There's an infatuation stage. As soon as they clear it, things end quick. If you have the juice to and want to make it work. Keep trying.

Sorry for rambling.