It's about 1:30am where I sit, and I thought I'd check in before hitting the sack.
I spent the evening at the wife's house (formerly OUR house) with our younger daughter. Wife's night out tonight, and it was fun to spend the time with my little one. I put her to bed and waited until the wife came home, and we talked about things. I filled her in on the conversation I had with my boss's boss, who was very understanding and suggested that we all take the weekend to sit on things then address the resignation Monday. When he heard my side of the story with what occured with my boss, he knew that I had little choice but to do what I did. I also told him, for the first time at work, about my separation with the wife. He had no idea, which means that we were successful at keeping it under wraps. We hate to bring our personal life into work.
I explained to my wife tonight that I did not mean to put her, or our daughters, at risk. She was FUMING about it yesterday, but she is a bit more supportive now, especially because she knows our boss and what he's like. We had a nice talk for over an hour, then just held each other. I wanted her to invite me to sleep over, but she didn't. Sex would have been fun, of course, but I would have enjoyed just holding her for once in a long time. I'm meeting her and the younger daughter Saturday morning for a school function, then I'm moving into my pimp pad.....er, my new apartment.
I noticed at her house that she has put her clothes onto my side of the closet, basically taking it over. She has also changed the passcode on our voicemail system. I take these as signs of her own resignation. Should I? As for the other man, I discovered that by seeing a journal in the house, and reading it. It was her private thoughts from last week, and I just have to keep it inside, as much as it hurts.. That's what I get for reading her personal notes. Having her write things like..."I imagine what it would be like to kiss and make love to a man that I am truly attracted to", and "I keep obsessing about (Mr. Fireman)"...hurts a lot, but also kinda tells me what I already suspected: that she doesn't love me, that she doesn't find me attractive, and that I'm being kept around for reasons that have nothing to do with me being a serious partner in her life. I hate myself.
Quote: I noticed at her house that she has put her clothes onto my side of the closet, basically taking it over. She has also changed the passcode on our voicemail system. I take these as signs of her own resignation. Should I? As for the other man, I discovered that by seeing a journal in the house, and reading it. It was her private thoughts from last week, and I just have to keep it inside, as much as it hurts.. That's what I get for reading her personal notes. Having her write things like..."I imagine what it would be like to kiss and make love to a man that I am truly attracted to", and "I keep obsessing about (Mr. Fireman)"...hurts a lot, but also kinda tells me what I already suspected: that she doesn't love me, that she doesn't find me attractive, and that I'm being kept around for reasons that have nothing to do with me being a serious partner in her life. I hate myself.
Man, all I can say is I'm sorry. I somewhat feel you. I at times hate or at least I'm very angry at myself for letting this situation get to where it is. I tell you something my mom always has told me. Hate is a wasteful emotion. It's worse if you are directing it towards yourself. I know it's hard by try and direct that energy elsewhere.
I also know how you feel finding out about another guy. I went looking and found what I didn't want to find. I haven't found a journal or anything like that. But it's the same. Perhaps my W is telling the truth and nothing has gotten past the emotional stage. But to think it was there is hard.
Just because your W RIGHT NOW appears to be moving on, it doesn't mean you need to. The only person who can tell when it's time to stop trying is YOU in the privacy of your own thoughts. On the upside, at least you have a fireman to worry about. I have a cart boy I know a little bad humor.
I can say that from a long time ago, I know how things like this work. There's an infatuation stage. As soon as they clear it, things end quick. If you have the juice to and want to make it work. Keep trying.
Quote: As for the other man, I discovered that by seeing a journal in the house, and reading it. It was her private thoughts from last week, and I just have to keep it inside, as much as it hurts.. That's what I get for reading her personal notes. Having her write things like..."I imagine what it would be like to kiss and make love to a man that I am truly attracted to", and "I keep obsessing about (Mr. Fireman)"...hurts a lot, but also kinda tells me what I already suspected: that she doesn't love me, that she doesn't find me attractive, and that I'm being kept around for reasons that have nothing to do with me being a serious partner in her life. I hate myself.
let me first say to you that the journal says nothing more than she is fantasizing about someone....doesn't mean it's reciporacle or ever will be.
I wouldn't place too much significance on her words "I imagine what it would be like to kiss and make love to a man that I am truly attracted to" as they could also be interperted differently as well...
perhaps the "attraction" that she is speaking of is that lustful pang...that of course comes with newness...and not so much on actually finding you un attractive.
Quote: I wouldn't place too much significance on her words "I imagine what it would be like to kiss and make love to a man that I am truly attracted to" as they could also be interperted differently as well...
perhaps the "attraction" that she is speaking of is that lustful pang...that of course comes with newness...and not so much on actually finding you un attractive.
That is easy to say from where you sit, but your points are well taken. I appreciate them. We work at a movie studio, and we just attened a function at there and I saw the studio fire truck drive by us, and she went out of her way to see who was driving it. I then hugged her, asking her if she was afraid of anyone seeing us do that. She looked at me quizically and asked me what I meant. I changed the subject. Something's up, and I know it. Attending the function wit her was fun, until that happened.
This is so painful, it is driving me crazy. Between the b.s. at work, and my marriage troubles, I just want to cut and run. It's taking everything I have to just move day-to-day right now.
Quote: This is so painful, it is driving me crazy. Between the b.s. at work, and my marriage troubles, I just want to cut and run. It's taking everything I have to just move day-to-day right now.
Time for a little WHOMPASS.
Knock it off. You've had a good solid week of sh!ttyness, an ego-busting discovery, and one fU$CkKING crappy ass day at work. You've had two solid days to feel sorry for yourself good and proper, and now it is time for you to pull yourself up by the boot straps.
It isn't ALL about you, guy. You tell us all the time how great looking your wife is and how she'll have no problem finding someone else. So you leave the house and give ALL THOSE GUYS out there a shot at her. Well, SCREW THEM. You ain't divorced yet, honey. Just because your ego took a shot when you read HER JOURNAL does NOT mean she doesn't love you. You think people don't go through infatuations while married? HELLO!! PLEASE.
THEN, you work in one of the biggest, political, back-stabbing, ME oriented to the brim cess pools on the planet, and you have the nerve to say that your only option was to 'resign.' Though you have a FLARE for drama, you ain't NIXON, Cloudy. You don't HAVE to do anything except jump back in there and work your ass off to take your boss's job out from under him. You got knocked down, but you aren't OUT yet, bubba. Bite his ear off.
My point?
You want to keep your job?! Fight for it.
You want your marriage to last?! Fight for HER.
But DO NOT sit out there, wallowing in your own self-pity, letting your pain eat you from the inside out. It's not you and I don't buy it.
Now go buy yourself a chocolate ice cream cone. Ice cream makes everything better.
Uh huh what Corri said....I keep remembering that fella who was going to move onto another relationship and was OK with the idea of his wife finding a man who could accept her as she is. I'll let you in on a little secret...nothing gets to a woman quicker than a man willing to fight for her.
Another secret, while married I had a crush on a neighbor. Never would have done anything but I'm damned glad I didn't keep a journal cause some of the thoughts I was having about this man were pretty emotional and hot. I loved my husband though, couldn't imagine life without him but had given up on it ever getting better. You don't know what is going on as far as this fire fighter so stop telling yourself stories and find out the truth. Nothing lights a fire under my butt like emotional pain. Kick it into high gear Brian and put all that pain to work in your favor. Cathy~
Listen to Corri and Cathy, they have the right idea. Fight for what you want if you really want it. I wish my H would fight some for me, but he is so passive, I doubt if I will ever see that from him.
Funny thing happened since my last post, and it's weird that I woke up to read the posts sent to me since then, because last night was like the beginning of a whole new life.
After my last post, my wife called my cell to ask me if I would like to join her and our younger daughter at a movie that night after I finished moving furniture into my new apartment. Of course I said yes. I went to her house on time, and left together from there. On the way out, I couldn't resist picking up a little fireman's hat my daughter plays with and put it on my head to ask my wife *should I wear this tonight?*. She said no, and didn't seem to make the connection anyhow. It was a light moment.
After the movie, we put the little one to bed, then I sat on the couch, put my wife on my lap, held her and told her that I'm willing to court her all over again if necessary. I also said that during this separation, our eyes may drift to others, but that those *others* will never have what we have together, that we've experienced some serious ups and downs in the marriage, but that we love each other very much and just need to start at the beginning and rediscover each other. It'll take baby steps, and lots of time, but will be worth it.
Crossing my fingers, folks. It's a beautiful day out here, and I have a 4 year-old's party to take my wife and daughter to. It's going to be a nice day.
This is class one advice those guys have given you. I will study on a way I can use it for myself. I hope I can pull something out of me like this. I can't wear a cart on my head but still....
I know a little bad humor.