I know how that feels. I thought I was nearing acceptance. Then a little boy at school today said something to me and the sentence started "My REAL dad....." (as opposed to his step-dad). That hit me in the gut...I don't want them to have 2 'dads' but don't want to be alone either...
So although I am sorry you are hurting, I think it is just part of the whole experience. Take care sis...
