An interesting and important interlude with WAW this morning. She had Themselves yesterday and took them to the water park for an end-of-summer adventure day and brought them back today, arriving just as I was cooking up a little somethin'-somethin' for my breakfast. She was doing the usual avoidance thing when, on the spur of the moment, I asked if she wanted any coffee - an offer she jumped at. So there we were, in almost exactly the same places we occupied on D-Day, having a casual conversation Like Normal People Do. I offered her some food - declined - and munched away as she talked and talked about hrr triathlon and a good opportunity she's had at work, and I did a little cheerleading and complimented her on her triathletic accomplishment - a real GAL for her - and you could just see that she was wanting to say or hear something, but I was Joe Mojo and just kept on truckin'.
So she left after half an hour or so, presumably happy, and in the aftermath it occurred to me - I hadn't felt anything other than an ethereal sense of comfort. No sadness, no regret; neither attraction nor hope nor despair. Just calm. Presence. I was "present" - there was no future; I was already dead.
And it was good, because I showed myself through action - through deliberate choice - what I've been suspecting these past couple weeks. I'm ready. Ready for any possibility. It's not all about saving my marriage or even mostly about it. I could be moving towards a new relationship with WAW - as yet undefined - and indeed towards a relationship with Foreign Female Friend, as yet undefined, or towards something else entirely (or indeed towards nothing at all).
The Hoodoo Girl did not, in fact, put the hoodoo on me, man. I may well have DB'd myself out of a marriage - or the potential for a marriage - or not. It's unclear to me at the moment just what the trajectory's been.
What is clear is that I've DB'd myself back to Who I Once Was and, more importantly, to He Who I Like Being. And that, my friends, is straight-up Mojolicious.
Because I know The One Thing - I am, in fact, happy. Just where I am.
