What does he want?

[Ms Jen]

Part of me wants to tell him I'm sorry for the role I played in making things worse and that I handled my end badly. I want to tell him that I didn't mean a lot of the terrible things I said. That I love him and miss him. Bad idea?

Yeah, cant, I'd say it's definitely a bad idea. Tell us these things if you want but don't tell him.
In fact.. I'd propose you refrain from saying anything until you CAN breathe . And you've got to, for you and for your kiddos.