These are just random thoughts I need to get out of my head. I've been trying to pinpoint what has been bothering me lately. I was watching TV the other day and there was this line I heard that sums up my frustration with my STBXW. "I mean so little to her that I don't even get the courtesy of a conversation." That about sums it up. I know she has feeling. I know she can't face them. This has to be her way right now. But it still doesn't make it hurt any less. I'm tired of thinking about it. At least I can put a name to it now.
DB C suggested I write this letter to her, basically letting her know that I understand why she chose to leave. I think I'm stuck on the way she proposed it to me ... "I was emotionally unavailable, so you became physically unavailable." I get that she may have FELT that I was unavailable, but that was not the case. I get that I contributed to the situation, but it's not so simple that she left in response to something I was incapable of doing. I need to let this go. I think I may change my point to "I understand how you felt I was emotionally unavailable." I don't know why it bugs me so much, but it just does.
I'm not so sure about the letter idea. When we parted ways last week, her last comment was "we've talked about us to death." I don't want to make this come across as me trying to get her to listen. DB C tells me that the point is to let her know that "I get it." I don't get it. I can understand her feelings. I can understand why she might think those things. I can't understand why the only solution is D, or sleeping with someone else, or any of the other weirdo things she has done.
I'm still processing. Just getting it out on paper. Or ... in print.
