I need to write things here just to clear my head.
I just wish there were a way I could explain to her how and why I lied to her about the affair that I had but how that makes little difference in comparison to her having an affair and telling me all about it while it was happening.
She says I "broke" her, she feels betrayed etc. When I tell her that I felt all those things too but that I never really blamed her and was able to look past it, it just does not help. She is so consumed in her own discomfort that she walked away from the marriage and now she is too consumed in her self to hear anything.
I changed my phone number by the way to save us both from the pointless conversations about how terrible I am and even from the next day when she is lonely and apologizes only to attack me again the following day. What is happening to her?
I am seriously considering finding a 3 month program overseas where I can just live a minimalist life and lend a hand to other human beings that need me. Can't find any programs yet that won't charge me money to do it.
