I'm glad that my post struck a chord with you, Cloudnine and Johanna, since yours have really hit home with me. It's astonishing how similar our experiences have been and how much I can relate to what the two of you are feeling.
I don't know about the two of you, but when I moved out I was hoping that my H would "see the light". That he would finally take me and my needs seriously, and work with me to repair our relationship. Of course, in my mind "repair" meant more intimacy and more sex.
What I found is that, instead, after I left he made no effort to pursue me. Over the past 14 mos, I've initiated the lion's share of contact and have been the proactive one when it comes to scheduling fun "date time" for the two of us. Talk about a blow to the ego - I feel like I'm pursuing him (again)!
I'm still hoping for our marriage, but without him putting effort into it I don't see how we can stay together. I'm just getting too tired of putting energy into our relationship, waiting for him to wake up and do something constructive.
Ugh, I feel like a font of negativity and that's not what I want to convey here. What I want to say is this: don't move out expecting your spouse to miraculously see your point of view and change. I did, and I was sorely disappointed. Move out because you need to for YOU. It turned out that moving out was the right decision for me (because I did feel less pain), but that wasn't my primary motivation at the time.
