I'm feeling very tired today. Not getting enough sleep. Can't wait to get into my own place this weekend, after a month of living like a vagabond.
Lowell is good, but also just a tad too safe for me. Imagine Lowell with a twist of funk and/or psychedelic, and plenty of candles scattered about (I enjoy natural light, and the way candlelight creates dances of light and shadow).
I am intrigued by this comment you made: we just have spouses that have no idea what they are trying so hard to lose by ignoring us. What did you mean by this? I want to understand it. For some reason it has touched a nerve. I feel that my wife ignores giving me what I want, but that she also is afraid of losing me. Is it because she doesn't want to be alone, or because she loves me? She knows she is denying me, but why??? It is the riddle of this relationship.
Lately, I am doing my utmost to be kind to her, attentive to her requests for time with the girls when she can't handle them, and going to the house tomorrow morning at 6am so she can take someone to the airport. The answer to almost everything is *yes*, but I do so in a very sort of professional, guarded manner. I share my feelings and thoughts with my friends. Can you relate when I say that I'm afraid to reach out to her? Can she ever be the woman I need her to be for me? Would I be happier being alone than being with her the way things are? Just more of my daily questions I run through my tortured head.
Have a good day. Hope it's brighter since your last missive.
