WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

It is really hard to concentrate at work today. Not sure if it was the restless sleep I got last nite or I'm just starting to feel another wave of crap.

I had thought abut writing a letter as Stuck had suggested, regardless of whether the 4 of us go golfing or not, but my therapist asked what do I hope to accomplish out of it? She had suggested that if I felt compelled to write it, I should write it and then burn it.

Not sure how to proceed nor how to even start the letter. I can't see there is anything for me to say that she doesn't know. But maybe I'll falling back into my old habit of mind reading.

I want to tell her how hurt and betrayed I feel that she violated the promise we made to each other almost 10 years ago. I am disgusted how she lied to me when she had given up a long time ago and started looking for other men. In my heart, I truly loved her and believed that the marriage we could have had could have been the fairy tale we both wanted.

I had tried to carry myself with honor throughout our time together. I am sad that she felt it was appropriate to cheat on me, like her dad did to her mom and family.

I find it cruel how she had been covertly trying to justify her actions by constantly blaming me. That there is no justification for cheating in a marriage. That is a choice she needs to own.

I will continue to move forward and be happy with my life with my family. Right now that consist of just my two boys as she has made the choice to remove herself from the family. I accept that choice, but do not agree with it nor how she has chosen to carry that choice out.

Looking over what I want to say, it sounds almost too self-righteous. Then again, I keep asking myself, what good will come out of giving her this letter or having this conversation with her....

Any thoughts?