I'm determined to have a better day today. I was a mess last night, for sure, and don't want to repeat the experience. Just have to deal with that stuff that IS in my control.
Johanna, you and I are truly living parallel lives. I have very nice family and friends offering me long-term living situations with them, but I need a place of my own, that I can call my own, where I can go and think in peace, listen to music, and read without interruption. Living elsewhere, I always feel like I'm in their way, and sometimes, I AM in their way.
It's possible, as Corri indicates, that I'm reading too much into my wife's actions, but nevertheless I do read them. Since the whole *pager* thing over the weekend, where our Sunday together was thrown out the windowm she has not made a move to reschedule it or get it back on track somehow. Like Jo's husband, I wonder if my wife is willing or able to step into the light and reach out to me. Conversely, I'm afraid to do the same, after what happened last weekend. Stuck in limbo. But, I was stuck in limbo at home too, as she said *I want you, I want you....but I can't trust you, so I must keep you at arm's length*.
For me, staying with friends has been good because I can bounce ideas and thoughts off them. They keep my mind occupied so I don't go off to the "black pit," which I would be prone to do if I were alone, so I am grateful for their support and company. This is good for me right now. Besides, I have appreciative people to cook for that will do the dishes!
Not a good day for me, but trying to remain sane and do something at work.
Back to a comment from one of your older posts regarding intimacy. Kept trying to figure out how to say this:
It's like riding a bike, you may get rusty from lack of use but you never forget how. If you do forget, jees, just think how fun it will be to relearn everything again. I hope that gave you a giggle.
Coming to you LIVE (or live as I type) from an undisclosed location somewhere in the mid-west!!!!!!!!!!!! No, it's not Dick Cheny, it's Corri!!! <<<<APPLAUSE>>>>
Hiya kids!! Found a 'puta to burn up some time, so I thought I'd check in on y'all. I know, you are all probably thinking I need to get a life. Hm. Yeah, I suppose so... But then who would bug the ever living hell out of you to keep those chins up?
Sounds like the two of you are holding your own today. Jo, you want me to ship you an industrial size can of WHOMP ASS for that husband of yours?
How's the day going Cloud? Did you download your new theme song yet? I'm working on one for you, Jo, but give me til Friday (you've seen Keb Mo LIVE? I'm so jealous...)
Well, as I have no useful information to share, I'd better scoot along, spreading my never ending cheer among all those people who have not yet had the fortune of meeting me. I'm kidding. (I'm not that conceited.) I just wanted to check in on the two of you to make sure your heads will still above water.
Hope my silliness put a smile on your faces. Stay cool.
Sorry to make you jealous girl, but he opened for Wierd Al years ago. I was part of the security for the show that night. (Long story) Anywho, met Keb after the show and was very impressed by this amazing musician that deserves more recognition for his work. Besides, the boy is easy on the eyes, in my most humble opinion. Very personable, worked the crowd, I would go see him again if I had the chance.
I can handle the can of whomp *ss myself, but thanks for the offer. Besides there are always my loyal royal retainers and mercenaries that are at my beck and call.
Cloud and I will get through this, just keep us thinking and moving forward. Seems as if we pull strength from each other and I am appreciative to be able to do that.
I think that you must have cornered the market buying every cattle prod on the planet.....
Listened to the song. Very nice. Reminds me of Mark Cohn. But I'm more of a Radiohead - Weekend Players - Interpol - alternative rock kinda guy.
Wife and I just were in a meeting together at work, and we bitched about how everyone is always late to them. It was very cordial, and businesslike, but then we went our separate ways. Weird.
Another thing: Thanks Corri for finding a place to drop in and say hello to us all. That was very thoughtful, or very obsessive-compulsive, not sure. But thanks anyhow. Hope you're safe out there.
I'm here. Have spent a lot of time with my daughters this weekend, and have exchanged a couple emails with my lovely spouse. I am thinking right now how I can best reply to her latest missive, to get my point across without being a jerk. Part of me really wants to give it to her good, but I can't keep going down that negative road.
I will be moving into my new pimpin' pad next weekend. It'll be nice to get my own place. Thinking ahead, I'm wondering if I should be with the wife on Thanksgiving, or not. Decisions, decisions.
How was your weekend? How are things flowing on your end?
I understand that it would be easy to let out all of your anger and frustration at your W. Even with all of the provocation try to contain your feelings. Vent here, it is safe and the consequences here are just blowing off steam. If you do this in front of your W, things might get ugly.
Don't give her fuel to tell the girls that you are a creep because you two had a blow up. Take the higher road and try to keep the girls best interest in mind. I know how hard that is. I assume the W is up to some fun crap..... Good to hear that you were able to spend time with them.
For me, have been at home for a week while H was out of town. I was taking care of the dog. Have not talked much due to hectic schedules, but going back to friends tonight. Will continue to stay with the friends. No movement from H. Very frustrating. He has no idea what he is losing, even after his friends tell him so. Denial is powerful, but still seems as if he does not really want me. Such a a blow to my ego and feminity.
Seems like we need to discuss decoration ideas for the new pimpin' pad. Psycodelic 60's, Swinging 70's, what type of look are you going for? I'm sure that we could call the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy crew and get you set up really swell to start off with.
Love your thoughts on the new pimpin' pad! You are on the right track. Everything I think of, or lean toward when looking at catalogs, is Bachelor Chic. Sort of a comfy, cozy minimalism with a come-hither bed and lots of candlelight. When the wife sees it, she'll FREAK!
I sent her an email last night, as a reply to something she sent me. I was not venting, but I did make some things clear. Mainly that I am getting mixed messages from her, that she seems to want me to read her mind, and that her bitterness is coming out in unhealthful ways toward me. I also said that I don't believe she wants to be around me. She doesn't want me to say that to her, but she also doesn't say that I'm wrong.
what's worse is that I don't believe that she ever really loved me. Friends tell me otherwise, but I can't let go of this thought. I am a handsome man (so I'm told), outgoing, intelligent, have a sense of humor, and share the load in a relationship. Yet, I feel like a loser. An ugly loser. So I can relate to the blow to the ego.
When do we decide just to cut our losses, Johanna? Something for me to meditate on in the Pimp Pad, under the glow of lava lamps.
I'm kidding. (I'm not that conceited.) I just wanted to check in on the two of you to make sure your heads will still above water.
But thanks anyhow. Hope you're safe out there.