I was supposed to get divorced tomorrow - part 2

[1853dave]

Well, it's been a week, so it's time to post an update.

Things have been going ok. We get a long fine (as usual) and there's been a bit more interaction. I'm still not home, and it might be a while yet. At counseling yesterday, W said she would feel more comfortable if we waited another month, having counseling during that time. I did not like that - I'm still VERY displaced, still have to "borrow" my kids (it feels like it) and I'm still not home. I'm not sure why she still needs more time, after it's already been 10 months. She's in no hurry, but she also has the benefit of house and home. She started her nursing school again, and is now a little busier. She starts clinicals at the end of September, at which time she will be even busier, and that's when she predicts I can come home. What the he** is with that? I look at it as that's when she's really going to have childcare issues, so how convenient that I come home then instead of now.

I don't buy it. We have counseling again Monday, and I intend to bring it up. She has a pattern of doing things this way. I guess the universe still revolves around her.

She admitted to being horrible at the finances. Yet, she's somehow willing to continue down this path, as we hemmorage our money away. Since I am displaced, whenever I get the kids I have to take them out to eat, as I have nowhere to cook for them. So, instead of going out to eat once a week like we used to do, it's closer to 4 or 5 meals I week I have to buy because we are "out" all the time.

Another issue is still when I get the kids they are often exhausted when I pick them up - usually from a previous night sleepover. So, in counseling she complained that I never know what I am going to do with the kids on any given day. I didn't know I have to have an itinerary for every day. I used to plan events and things to do, but she kept dropping in these last minute changes - that and the kids being exhauseted many times - that my plans never seemed to be able to take hold. So, I just play it by ear now, depending on the day.

She's still at the point where she wants to point out all of the bad she sees in me - but when the C asks her what good things have happened with us, W replies with the usual "...uhhh...I don't know - I'll have to think about that." My C turned to me yesterday and told me to think of things (for the next session) that I want to see changed in the relationship. Finally, it'll be my turn.

I still see the W as being selfish, and she doesn't like it when I get upset or bothered by anything. She says that even if I'm angry at someone, that I should be pleasant and nice to them. Huh? This is from the same woman who totally shuts people out of her life if she's mad at them?!? She hasn't spoken to her extended family in YEARS, hasn't spoken to her own monther since January (even though her mother still e-mails her, and sends her birthday gifts, etc - bids for love, basically...) - yet I'm still the bad guy??? Go figure.

This woman needs to learn forgiveness, and at 46 she still needs to grow up a little.