Glad to hear D is feeling better. Hope they all had fun fishing. I love to fish.
It is hard to let go of control. You probably didn't FEEL controlling, I know I didn't for the most part, just being responsible. But it is control. You will find where you can really let it go and what you need to still be in control of. I know how hard it was, and believe me I still have to remind myself sometimes, which is why I started with baby steps. I did also try to look at how I got into that role to begin with. Basically, H allowed it. I am not blaming him (and he has his own control/manipulation techniques) but I always made the Dr. appts, paid the bills, instructed what needed to be done around the house, you know, you did it too. Yes it is very interesting. For me, I am still having "kid" issues. I know that I cannot control their R, but I do want to protect S as much as possible, so some days my anger at the way H acts and treats or ignores (didn't know that was an option as a parent) makes me very upset. Those are usually my bad days now.
You can see, nothing happens overnight. H may proceed with the mediation, he may not. Ok so he took a step. 14 weeks is a long time. I would try not to discuss anything about it if you can avoid it, this could just be another way for him to try to ruffle your feathers. But I would have a plan, for your own peace of mind. When I made one for myself, boy that was really the beginning of my change. I had to allow myself to consider what life would be like without H in the picture. What did I want for me? Without consideration for him at all. This was not a way I had ever looked at my life since I was 17. It was liberating.
Keep being the calm, strong person. Keep looking good and being happy. My H tried to convince himself that me being happy was because the M was ending, that he was not a part of my life. I tried to figure out a way to explain to him that wasn't at all what it was, but could never find the right words. So I didn't. I just decided to live it. To be happy when he was around and when he wasn't. To let him see that my happiness had nothing to do with him, and eventually I was able to let him know that I still wanted the M. So don't change that part of you either. Unless it is something you really don't like.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
