OK. Just got back from IC. He made it perfectly clear to me what Robx and puppy have been trying to pound in my head for quite some time. He said absolutely no hugging, touching, kissing, etc. It is bad for my self-esteem and her mental health. Sorry Robx, I owe you an apology for not following your recomendations more closely. Thank you for your time.
He did disagree you on the dating though. He said as long as I am married there should be no dating.
Her mental health is a crutch she's using to allow her to rationalize her behavior so you need to stop concerning yourself with this. The OM in question I'm sure has been discussing these things with your wife and he has no problems with her "mental health" issues because I'm sure he sees that although she may be suffering from depression, it isn't impeding her motor skills and her ability to know from right/wrong, left/right, up/down, etc.
She is making a choice, she is making a decision with all of her actions. Blaming this all on her mental health takes away her responsibility in all of this, treat her like an adult and let her assume responsibility for her actions!
WOW...I'm glad your counsellor agreed with what I had to say.
The dating is your choice, you'll pursue it when you're ready to. Let's be clear about all of this, dating other women is for you to pump up your confidence and also to create a fear of loss with your wife, let's be totally clear about this. You aren't being asked to kiss any women, have sex with them, etc. Go out, have dinner, do an activity together, make a new friend, etc. While you're doing this, be clear on what you're doing for yourself. Be clear with the women you date if you end up doing this, tell them you're just dating and not looking for an intimate relationship - you can be honest, it's allowed.
Will generating fear of loss work with your wife?
Why don't you answer that question yourself with what she's doing to you and how you feel?
