Can I ante up with an opinion? Keep listening to Corri cause I think she is right on the money.

Your description of your wife's concern over the table was interesting. What I wonder is how she would view what she said to you. My ex once told me that I could "wound him deeply with the most casual statement." I thought he was crazy but now realize that even the most casual word can hurt someone deeply.

This is what I see going on with you and your wife. You two are trying your damnedest to communicate. You are both getting lost in the stories you tell yourself though. Your wife new you took the table and chairs, she knew your purpose for them so she started telling herself all kinds of stories for why you had them with you. She started thinking and built herself up this huge, hurtful scenario and there she was feeling very defensive. Now, she might say that her talk with you should not have been hurtful to you, that she had a right to feel the way she does and have the suspicions she does. It all comes from the stories she tells herself. She simmers in it for a bit and then comfronts you. Her tone is less that pleasing to you and you start telling yourself stories about her and how unreasonable she is. You guys are tied up into the same style of communication over and over again. What you are trying to say to each other is not really based on true events. You both end up feeling defensive and walking away scratching your head wondering what is wrong with the other.

I imagine she feels the same amount of exasperation for you that you feel for her. She probably thinks you are just as unreasonble and hard to deal with as you believe she is. Somebody has to learn to break the cycle you two are in. It's like Corri says, you have to stop defending yourself. Her accusations and defensiveness come from things that are not true, not even close to the true issue and the longer you continue to defend yourself the longer she will hold onto her old way of reacting to the things she is feeling.

It's a hard habit to break but until you do you guys will never do anything but dance around the issues and use negative emotions to further escalate things.

I think she is trying. I think she feels as if she is trying. I think you are way more advanced right now than she is. Plus, you have all us insightful women to help you along. How lucky can one man get?!?! It is time for a "LRT" but it needs to be done in the way you communicate. I will echo Corri, "STOP DEFENDING YOURSELF.' Time for some new patterns of communication.
Cathy~