Had a very very similar conversation three months ago after H being sure he didn't want to live with me, if he stayed any longer he would just hate me etc. I made the mistake of thinking he was actually clear that this was what he wanted and that he meant it. DONT ASSume he means it and is 100% clear that it where he is. For us, this was a huge pressure release valve for H once it was out, and one of the big steps in him then being able to start looking at himself as well as me.
My suggestions:
1) Have a clear plan mapped out for if separation goes ahead. The removes much of the fear, its no longer unknown.
2) Don't rush to talk about it with third parties, it still may not happen.
3) Refuse to discuss it at all with H. Try stuff like "we have already spoken about it, there is nothing left to sort out, ohhh is that a recipe for a chocolate cake - COOL!!!!!"
My H has now decided he is not sure what he wants to do, and has started to drop into conversation the odd "so next year when..." stuff. So don't get sucked in once you have looked at your options!!
Oh, and don't tell the kids or others until he has his bags packed on the door step, the more you tell the more his reality is that is happening too (if you can try to stop him telling people, suggesting shrink said its better for kids etc).
