also - forgive yourself if you slide into old patterns of trying to talk and open him up. It takes a lot of persistence and patience to change old patterns - patience with yourself! You are in a lot of pain and the changes will start to take hold the more you do them. At first they feel so artificial, or you may resent doing them. But eventually, they begin to feel more natural. And once you see a positive effect on the R, it is encouragement to stay on track.
I spend every night on this board and with the book to give myself encouragement, and I try hard to forgive myself when I slip into pressuring him, pursuing him, etc. Be easy on yourself.
