I know your wife isn't being very nice to you, and I'd never suggest that you become her whipping post (though it may sound like that at times), but try to think of her as a wounded animal... wounded animals are mean, nasty creatures and you are just a bit too close in proximity for her not to take advantage of that. Poor her. Her fog and misunderstanding are bringing about the exact OPPOSITE results she wants, I believe. She's hurting, and she wants you to hurt like her so you'll STOP hurting her.
Makes no sense, does it? A great opportunity for you to practice your empathy, though.
Stop counting nails in the coffin. It's distracting you. This is not a 'three strikes and you're out ballgame.' This is your life. If you really need to file for divorce, you will know when that time is, regardless of how many nails are in the coffin, you know?
No offense, Jiji, but I think Cloud is 'detached' enough. Cloud, think about this one. If you want to save your marriage, try to find enough strength inside yourself to offer your wife some hope. Learn to 'listen' to what she is really saying, not what is coming out of her mouth. There is a lot you can offer her with little to no effort on your part.
When she said it would have been nice had you called to offer her a break instead of waiting until she exploded... well, first let me say that is extremely unfair of her. She's an adult and she needs to learn how to communicate and ask for what she wants. However, from her point of view, you offering a break for her means you are thinking about her and her needs, which equates in her mind that you 'care.'
So when she jumped you about it, all you had to say was, yeah, I wish I had been able to do that for you. I can see how that would have been nice for you.
QUIT DEFENDING YOURSELF.
The table and chairs thing was a shot below the belt. It happens. And when it does, it sucks (refer to my crying bout). Refocus the conversation back onto her, and keep it there.
"Hey, I know you are hurting, and given your complete absence of trust, I can see where this would bother you. Does it make you feel better to say such cruel things to me?"
And if she tries to bring it back around to you, simply say, "We aren't talking about me. What we are talking about is your lack of trust issue, one of the main reasons why we are standing here having this discussion in the first place."
Then walk away. If you think it will help her to take the table and chairs back to the house and you want to do that to help ease her mind, by all means, go for it.
But you continually rising to take the bait is only increasing her confusion and fueling her mistrust. You getting defensive gives her reason to believe there is something to defend. Help her Cloud!! Reassure her when you can, and keep the focus on HER. This is the only way she is going to be able to start examining herself and her own motives.
Easier said than done, I know, but you are one heck of a smart guy. Think of it as high powered negotiating. You would never let 'cattiness' on the part of a client or competitor goad you into responding in an equally catty way because you know to do so will weaken your position and threaten the deal. So in order to avoid return cattiness, you stay focused on the goal, right?
Hello!! Trivial ass sh!t like the location of a table and chairs is a distraction, and I don't care what tone of voice it was said in... don't defend yourself, zero in on her hurt and...
<<<<<<<<<<<< STAY FOCUSED ON THE GOALLLLLLL >>>>>>>>>>>
Aren't you glad I'm such a bright, upbeat, cheery woman? Yeah, me too.
