I'm not living out of my car lately, but still staying late at the office. Fortunately, I hired two people to assist me with projects here at work, so my load should lighten.
T'was an interesting day with the wife. Remember that we work together, and remember the pager thing from yesterday. Well, when I saw her this morning at work, we talked about getting in a schedule with the younger daughter, so the wife can get a break and focus on what she wants to do with our relationship. We worked out a schedule, which will start next week. She then said that she wished that I would have just come forward and volunteered to take the little one, rather than having to deteriorate to the point where she felt she had to *lose it* the way she did yesterday. That's me....selfish bastard! I walked away before I got bitchy with her.
Later, I went back to her office, and told her that I was sorry she felt so burnt out, and that I she should always feel open to making any reasonable request of me and my time, so that she can get some space for herself. She said that she appreciated it. Then, this happened:
She came at me with a *concern* that had been on her mind. A month or so back, I bought a table and two chairs that I could use to set up at the beach, or similar romantic place, and spread out a candlelit dinner for us at sundown. We never got that far, because I left, but she knew what I bought it for because I told her later. Thinking I might need it for my office or future apt., I put it in my SUV. Today, she looked at me and essentially said that she wonders if I have it in my truck so that I could use it for a romantic dinner with someone else. But it wasn't WHAT she said, but HOW she said it: it was with the most biting, almost mean, tone of voice that was meant to sting, and I told her so, after I told her that there was nothing to worry about and that I would return the furniture to her house if it would ease her mind. I can still feel her tone of voice now...mean, accusatory, laser focused....like she had busted me at something very bad. After I said what I sadi, I left her office and went about my day. Another nail in the coffin.
It's 10:30 here, and time to leave work. Been a long, emotional day, and hard to focus on WHY I feel so down. It's that connection to my feelings that I think Corri is angling at. It's easier, much easier, for me to make a physical connection with a woman than non-physical. I goof about crying, but I sometimes wish that I could.
