Confused! Should I talk to H about D details?

[MommaDucki]

H has no L. At least, not one I'm aware of. I have spoken to a couple on the phone, and yes, I agree, like a salesman, they're pushing for a D. I'm not at that place yet. I don't dispute with H over D anymore, but it's hard. I feel I have no tongue left from how much I bite it..hehe!

I know OW doesn't directly tell him how to go about anything. I also know she's pushing him to get me to hurry and D me already! She's also made it clear to him that she won't use her money to pay for his D.

H starts new job in a couple of weeks...will be interesting to see what happens. I don't know what it is I'm supposed to do or say though. He wants to sit and talk specifics about D to know what it is I want. All I want is to stay M to him...lol. I don't tell him that of course, but telling him, "I'm not ready to talk about this yet" is wearing thin with him. He offered one night to pay for online forms and he'd just write down everything I said into the paperwork and file right then and there. I don't want to D that way. He wants the D, he files. I have accepted the fact that this is what he really wants. If I was served, of course I'd respond, and of course I have given thought as to what would happen next.

I already have a list going on in my head and in my journal, and in my IC's notes about what I'm willing or not willing to talk to him about right now, and what I'd want/do/say if he served me. Obviously, I don't want that to happen, but it feels so inevitable right now. Of course, knowing H as well as I do, it also feels so inevitable that he and OW are on a very steep downhill spiral right now and neither of them are aware of it. I can only predict of course, but OW is already complaining about him starting new job. He's also told her that he can't afford everything on just income from the one job, so he either has to get a second job, or she needs at least a part time job. She's already whining to me about how to get him to stop trying to make her work...her H never made her work, why does my H ask this of her? It's funny to me, and I never have anything to say to her in response.

Whew, got off track there.

Just not sure how to avoid D talk while still maintaining the level of communication H and I have going right now...it's all small positive steps from all the 180s, GALing, and LRT attempts I've been doing. H has noticed, and I'm here, cautiously watching and waiting to see what happens next.

This trip though...it's got me so nervous, because I know H wants to spell everything out in terms of D, and I don't know how to avoid it. Don't want to come across as reluctant, but also don't want to feel I'm giving in to him and agreeing to everything he's saying.

I leave Thurs morn and have a fairly hectic schedule till then, but I'm hoping that between the boards and my therapy session tomorrow night, I'll be in a better frame of mind before I head out on Thurs.