Another positive step - compared to two weeks ago when he couldn't be around me without venting anger and criticisms my way constantly! He and I talked about taking S on a day trip together. I wanted to take S to an aquarium that is four hours drive away, and H, a pilot, offered a while back to fly S there. I asked how comfortable he would feel with me going - as I orginally was excited to take S there. He had said he needed to think about it because for legal reasons, he did not want to appear like we weren't "separated" meaning not taking trips together, not going to therapy, etc. (This is part of the reason he wants a legal separation, so that he doesn't have to "prove" separation by ambiguous actions like spending time with the family. He said that as long as "we agree that this is officially a trip for our son, not our marriage" (as far as the court is concerned) then it's fine if we all go together. Considering one of his big complaints about me is that we have had more family trips with blow-out fights than calm ones, I see this as progress. I see this as him trusting me - to get along (prove my changes) and to hold up my verbal agreement as far as our legal situation. Although he is not admitting this has anything to do with spending time with me, I know from his past actions that if he didn't want to spend time with me, he simply wouldn't. He would tell me to go by myself or that he wants to take S alone. When we have been in worse places, he has definitely done this. I also see it as a test of him. I will keep consistent with my 180's - no R talks, no begging or convincing, an aloofness (no "I love yous" - and with my goal of staying calm no matter what he throws at me. If he throws a bunch of criticisms and anger at me, this will be difficult. I will see he is not ready to change his side. But I am determined to use this daytrip to demonstrate my changes. Thursday is the day. Wish me luck. And I will try to keep my hopes from getting too high as well.
