I just wanted to post a quick update. it's been almost exactly one month since my W has moved back home and I can say with all honesty that this is the happiest we've ever been.
We have worked together very hard and effectively at overcoming our former codependent R, and my W has very recently went to see the Dr about PMDD and was put on a prescription med. The dynamics of our new R are so different that it actually is taking some getting used to, but at the same time isn't really that difficult to adjust to.
My W has said very recently that this is the first time she's ever actually given 100% to anything, and from watching her actions from behind the scenes (phone records, internet use) she means business. Actually there has been a couple times where i've been a bit stressed with work and life and was a little short with her, and she reminded ME that we are on the same team!
lol, it's almost like she was abducted by aliens again and was replaced with superwife in the interim.
as for how we got to where we are now, i know there is a few pieces i've left out here for everyone and i apologize. when i said my situation is my own and that i felt like i knew how to best communicate with her, i still stand by that. HOWEVER, the advice that gucci, puppy, sandi and others gave me helped me get to the point where i could actually do it. It wouldn't have worked before that. they got me to the point where i could do it my way. the thing is i had to wait for the right time to do it and when i saw it, i seized it.
i firmly believe this is the case in many of the R's on this board, however, not everyone is well equipped to always see it opening. I think i did get to a place of detachment before she was ready to come home, and that detachment allowed me to see things clearly. It's when i let go, that everything kinda fell into place. Looking back over everything, i have to say i am still in shock that everything worked out the way it did and as quickly as it did.
The best advice i can give to others on here looking for hope or encouragement is to never give up. I don't know how many times my W texted me she didn't want anything to do with me ever again or that she was never coming home. Well she did. don't listen to what they are saying and pay attention to only half of what they are doing.
Actually, there's quite a bit i would like to say about things folks on here could do to get their WAS back. but i'll save that for another day. I really just hope people on here read my story and see that there is the possiblity of getting your spouse back. I think many people have more second chances then they realize, and let most of them slip through their fingers. Be patient and be alert. And even if you screw up, you usually get another chance to try again somewhere else.
