WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

Thanks again AN and Deep for your feedback.

So how do you get out of this state? Some file for D themselves, others start an A, or you really start GAL, become mysterious.

I have been thinking about this and will continue to GAL (had been for a while but it will accelerate now) but also combining it with my new attitude of 'I don't care what happens with M either way'.

Either way the M/R will be hard - it is hard to stay in limbo and it will be hard on everyone if we D. Therefore, whatever happens happens. I feel like a burden has been lifted from me and that I see how I can take control of my life again if I shake my focus of saving the M, which is not a fruitful exercise.

I realize that maybe now I am finally listening to her that it is probably over. I still don't think she really knows that, but if it is it is. I have tried everything I feel even though I have backslid at times.

She knows I feel this way. I have talked to her again about it today and tried to press her to do something but she is set on sticking around and cake-eating.

Therefore, I told her that since I am finally at the 'letting go of the M' point like she was a while back we might as well try to be friends for the remaining months that we are here together as a family. It has been hard to be friends since I haven't been able to back off at times and she has been angry at me for exposing her EA to people. Now, with the 'pressure' of opposing views on the prospect of the M out of the way maybe we can have a chance to just be friendly, be good parents to our kids and increase the happiness factor around the home, and pursue our own lives at the same time ( but still maintaining my no-OM boundary)?

I have tried to get her to leave and I have no way to force her. She is financially independent if she just works more days per week and can survive on her own and she knows it, but she still won't take steps to go.

One thing I have been mulling for some time is the effect of the DB / GAL mode on the LBS long term.

The thing that has affected me more than anything is her behavior and attitude towards me. At the same time, my own GAL activities may also contribute to my negative reaction to her behavior since I value myself more as a result of these activities and recognize treatment that I don't want to put up with.

Before doing a lot of IC I would insulate myself from this kind of thing and brush it off, which made me kind of numb and caused problems with the R over time.