Cloudy, This has nothing to do with your fight on Sunday, but I wanted to throw it out anyway.
Btw, I think Corri gave you some great hysterical-woman-handling tips in her post. Stay calm and do not engage in her behavior whatsoever. THAT will take the wind out of her sails faster than anything.
What I was thinking about was her statement of not wanting to work on the marriage because she has no trust. What about saying to her, in a calm and loving way: "Yes that is what I am struggling with too. I need to trust that you will keep your word and work towards a loving and sexual marriage. We BOTH have trust issues and I think we should work towards them together."
What I see as an outsider is that you hit this brick wall when she brings up the trust issue. Which, to engage in a little cattiness myself here Corri LOL, is exactly what she WANTS to happen. She wants to effectively end the conversation (the one in which you are pressing her to decide what changes she is willing to bring to the table) by stating that she can't trust you. That brings up guilt and the frustration in you and puts all the attention and focus on Cloudy and how he screwed up. Now, you DID screw up, I don't think anyone--least of all yourself--would deny that. But where does that leave you?
In the same place that you were before the infidelity incident.
One thing that I wonder if LD people realize is how much trust is completely destroyed when your lover ceases to be your lover. You do not trust that person any longer. How can you, when they are rejecting you? Rejection does a number on a person. So she doesn't trust you to remain faithful. You don't trust her to be a lover and not a roommate. The real question is: Where is she willing to go from here?
I just wanted to point that out to you...that she is not the only one with trust issues and it should be pointed out to her, so that the dialogue can continue rather than stalemate, at that statement from her.
