Patience. That was the theme for tonight. W is happy and bubbly as ever. Just that one problem.
We went to an open house for our S's school tonight. Another couple who lives down the road from us also went with us.
Pretty normal evening. Just listened to the principal and teachers. Good information. Many single moms at the open house, which did not hurt at all. Wonder if W could sense she wasn't the only woman in the room.
I made courteous conversation with W, but did not feel up to putting on the all out blitz. I got up this morning to work out at 5:00 a.m. since that was the only time I had to work it in my schedule. Pretty busy day at work - good to be busy.
W called me this afternoon at work to tell me she heard who S's baseball coach would be for fall ball. Not a caoch she or I like, unfortunately. But, there are some great other parents on tha team, so it will be fine.
After the open house, came home. Pretty beat. Hung out with W in the den. She talked a good bit. I let her in on my day and how busy it was. Funny that on teh way to our S's school tonight, the H of the other couple asked about my day. I told him I went to lunch with a couple of my partners and met a guy who is running for attorney general in our state. I have been holding back what is going on with my job from W. Just sort of my little secret, sort of. I think my lunch piqued her interest.
I really like my job, and I'm getting exposure to some pretty well connected people. The work is interesting and the people are great. I am getting a lot of confidence from my work, and I think it shows. My work future looks bright, regardless of what W chooses to do.
Anyway, doesn't seem like much to report tonight. At least nothing of which I am aware. I know she's still watching. And so I wait with strength and patience.
Walked by H swaying a bit to the music. Sat and watched him play his game for a bit (he invited me). Kissed a fingertip, touched his forearm with it and said I'd be back later. I'm going to watch the sunset over the ocean.
Damn I'm happy.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Pretty good day. Had some office politics to deal with today, but I handled it. Funny how what I am learning about being confident in my M is also applying to my work life. Good life lesson.
Picked up dinner on the way home, at W's request. S wanted Subway, so I picked it up. W is pleasant. Pretty normal for what we have right now. Actually, if you were in the house with is, you wouldn't think anything was wrong, until we go to separate bedrooms.
Went for a run after dinner while kids got clean for bed.
Hanging out with W in the den watching Food Network.
I'm just going to keep being patient. We have our Alton Brown taping on Saturday, which should be fun.
Funny thing from today. I was really busy at work, so I did not send W any IM's or emails. About 2:30, she sent me an email just to check in basically. She asked if I had worked out an issue with our health insurance coverage. I had. At the end of the email, she asked how my day was going. We exchanged a few emails, then I got back to work.
She's been doing that for several weeks now. It is good.
For whatever reason, she apparently just isn't ready to move closer.
I know it's my job to coax her to move closer. Some nights I'm "on" and others I just don't care. Not that I am rude or cold, I just don't feel like busting my a$$ every night.
Don't get me wrong, I'm ok. Just feel like I'm waiting on her a lot. And I am.
GIMA...I am so proud of you! No matter what happens, in the end, you will have come out a better man.
Thanks Ashlee. I know I already am a better man. My R with my kids has never been as close as it is now. For that, I am truly grateful.
It's just this puzzling W I have. I am not trying to figure out what's going on in her head, but I can't help but wonder where she is and what she wants. I know what I want, but I'm ok if that is not what the plan is.
Is she just getting comfortable having the illusion of a H without having to be a W?
Is she too scared/prideful to make the first move?
Is she simply stuck?
I know the way back has to be marked by stages. I just don't know what stage we are at, if any. I do love her, in a different way - I'm not sure I could ever love her again without the concern this could all happen again. But, now I know "this" could happen to anyone, anytime. So, maybe this is hte healthy way to look at a MR v. what we are taught to believe - we get M'd and are supposed to stay M/in love.
Just rambling. I am not getting down. If anything, I feel like a student trying to figure out a new problem in class.
