Heading to the end of the weekend. Spent Saturday by myself, just reading, and lounging. Today, the plan was to go to my older daughter's soccer game at 8:30am, then go pick up the wife and younger daughter for a kid's party. After that, during the daughter's nap, we would go to a movie while wife's mom stayed home. I was looking forward to being with my wife today so much. Well, I got to the house, went upstairs and looked in her eyes, and could tell something was wrong. "Where I have you been? Have you been getting my pages? I paged you twice!" She was very agitated. ACtually, I didn't have my pager on, and don't usually have it on, but I did have my email pager (also called a Blackberry) strapped to my waist all weekend, where she could have reached me easily. She was clearly upset that she could not reach me, and that our daughter was about to drive her thru the roof, because...are you ready?...she doesn't get any time for herself. Well...boo hoo!
How am I supposed to know that she is having a tough time? Why can't she tell me she needs help without laying into me and making the not-so-subtle point that I've let her down and that she is upset because I am not wearing my pager! I simply turned away, got our daughter, and left for the party. After the party, we went back to the house, and I told my wife that we'd go to my mom's house and hang out so wife could have more time. I also told her that I was really looking forward to spending the day with her, but that there is no way I could do it after the way she treated me earlier. She understood, so I left, and what also left was a little more willingness to make it work with this woman. She can't communicate with me. Instead, she attacks me, or blames me, or makes me the easy focus of her frustrations. And I'm sick....of....it!
Corri's piece about detachment is very similar to my life. I am not a person who cries; I consider it, at least in a man, as an ultimate form of weakness, much to my wife's dismay. Also, I do not trust people enough to form truly intimate or personal realtionships with them as lovers or friends. People = pain, or ill feeling, so best to stay away from them in any meaningful way. But I can be empathetic, and especially for the past 5 years or so, am working to be more so because it makes me feel good, and I realize that poeple I encounter in this way do not hust me in return. But I don't see the connection Corri makes with my wife. I feel that I am this was with her as much as anyone else. Taking my daughter out all day so that my wife can rest seems like a thoughtful thing I can do, so I'm doing it, and doing it as a loving gesture, not as punishment.
Well, this is enough out of me for tonight. I'll check back Monday some time, if possible. But as each day goes on, it's looking kinda bleak. I think what my wife did today was destructive to moving this marriage in a positive direction. It was my idea for us to hang together today and spend time together, and she was all for it. Then, when it comes time to actually follow through, she tears it down, over a pager!
