WAW and 4 kids

[AnotherNightmare]

Also, she wanted to know exactly what I told my friends on the trip about our M, so I told her.

I am not sure I would have done that. DBing is about being mysterious. I remember how right after the bomb it used to drive me crazy when my W went out with a friend and I did not know what they talked about. Of course, now I am over that, but since WAS oftentimes feel guilty, that is the time when their conscience sets in. They are afraid of what you might say about them.

I told her that I now realize that she IS done and that I am going to accept that she will not be willing to work on the M ever going forward, so we should sort out how to separate.

Be careful not to repeat yourself too often. It is important to say things only once. I almost think it will make them listen (just like with kids), and maybe they start hearing things that do not fit the picture they have of you.

She made her typical statement of "if you don't like it then YOU leave" and I said that she has been telling me that for months, but that SHE is the one who has been unhappy all along so she should follow her own advice!

Exactly, do not move out! She needs to move out.

Cake-eaters know you are in this ambivalent state, you still love them, have all the hopes for the M to be repaired, wait for them to finally wake up, but at the same you may realize it is not working and you do not want to waste more time. So how do you get out of this state? Some file for D themselves, others start an A, or you really start GAL, become mysterious. You go out a lot without telling her where you are going and what you are doing. You make the WAS wonder.

I know I need to follow my own advice a little more. But I also think I am at a different stage than you. I do not think my W would stay for the kids.