H with 1foot out the door...LONG

[ginab1966]

ok..as I said...this is hard. I feel like we are supposed to be doing something...something more. He is so engaged and connected one minute and the next...poof..we're off in the ice field again. I guess this is where focusing on me still comes as great advantage. Which would be great if I didn't read into every breath he took every minute of the day. This is the trait that I can't stand about me. I'm so hooked into people. It's just simply got to stop.

Another thing. The crisis marriage counselor that we see for $100 per hour is killing us financially. I think we need to stop for financial reasons and personally I don't think we are getting much out of it anyway. H did say he would consider Retro and this might be something that is more affordable. So, financially, we have to stop seeing our counselor. We are still seeing our individual counselors though.

I'm noticing that he rarely says he loves me unless I say it to him (at least in the last 48 hours). He almost slept in his bed alone last night because he seemed to be isolating. I did go in and sleep with him. Should I have just let him isolate? To be honest I'm trying to let him lead but why don't I get to set the tone (she says in her best 5 year old whine) I'm sorry everyone. I'm just not doing well at this stage. I should be thrilled and part of me is but I'm just walking around on eggshells waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Any and all words of encouragement/wisdom would be helpful.

G