So far, so good...had a little surgery recently and also had a trip out of town for work...just been keeping busy.
Funny thing Sunday...H called and wanted to meet with me on yesterday...I really didn't want to...just figured it would be the same old conversation again. BUT had a IC appointment yesterday and boy was she rough on me...told I decide how a conversation is going to turn out before it happens and then I subconciously make sure that is exactly how it turns out...I just kind of looked at her dumbstruck and then realized that she was right so I decided to meet with H and just let him do the talking and respond where necessary. His first question..."you aren't ready for me to come home are you?"...I wasn't sure how to answer that since he was the one who left it's just that once he did leave I also realized I needed it as much as he did so I told him that part of me wanted him to however a larger part of me was not ready since we haven't really resolved some of the issues that brought us to this point in the first place. We both admitTed to each other that we aren't very comfy around each other right now. Beyond that he also admiteed that even though he has been saying it is over he just really hasn't been sure...I do not know what all of this may mean to the relationship because I am still a bit confused myself...I know I love him and want him in my life as my husband, I just don't want the kind of relationship we have had for the last few years and I am afraid it will be too easy to slip back into that and a lot harder not to...what do I do??? He did ask me out on a date for Friday night...that was a big WOW...The one rule was we are not going to talk about our sitch...I did say yes after some thought but I am sooooo nervous and doubt's are kicking in...feeling a little pressure I guess and after racking my brain to figure out what we could do (he asked me to decide) that would be fun but also low pressure I remembered how much we both love comedy shows. We haven't been to one in years so I reserved seats at one. We'll see how it goes but first I need to read DB again...need a little DB mojo I guess.
Thanks for asking...take care and let me know how things are in your world.
