Thanks Nell for the pep talk, we all need those now and again.
I'll head off for the movies shortly. Might even get some popcorn, haven't had that in ages.
Will pop in later if I can and let you know how things went, but I don't count on any conversations from H when I get home. He will probably be in bed, but we will wait and see.
Just a quick update before I go, H just rang me (very strange) says to just go to the movies without him (he never said he was coming), traffic is bad (we have severe weather here at the moment really bad), so don't worry (real mopey sounding). I said oh okay no worries. H says I will just go the gym (thought he was anyway as he took his gym gear this morning).
He then asked what movie I was going to and if I was going to stop and have pancakes to eat afterward, told him undecided about which movie and would see after it if I felt like coffee and pancakes. I asked him why, he said oh no reason, just have a good time.
How weird is all that, I tried to act as if on the phone which isn't always easy and he had taken me by surprise big time by ringing and he never has a lengthy conversation with me anyway.
Not sure if any meaning to it or not, anyone got any ideas?
Onya Oz - you didn't rise to the bait and I reckon, in my humble opinion, he only called to see if you really were going out, or not! I also hear a 'control' thing in there by giving you 'permission' to go without him ... what do you think? Oh, I'm just so interested to see how this turns out - especially on Friday.
I half wonder if he took his gym kit so that he had options for this evening - maybe he had planned to come with you but now that the weather is so awful, he will take option number 2 instead?? I don't know. It's hard to call when you don't know the H and how he was pre-MLC.
You just go have a pleasant time anyhow. Get that popcorn and think of me having been out AGAIN and pulled more weeds - this time from the back yard and cleaned out the rockery flower beds!! BTW - My sister emailed earlier to tell me that an old friend of ours who has been M for ever, has just left her H - it's going on everywhere my friend.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
You did well. It was considerate of him to call, and amazing that he remembered.
Answer back to him on the house, "Yes, I sure do! It's such a lovely place, I can't wait to move in and get settled!"
No we there. I know you're disappointed...you had expectations. Expectations are a killer, and part of healthy detachment is dropping expectations. Slow and steady, more of what's working for you.
Good luck with the move. I won't be around until Sunday as I'm leaving on a mystery trip H has planned for us. He just gave me a packing list, and I'll find out where we're going when we get there.
We've come a looooong way. You will too.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Went to the movies and I must say it was the strangest feeling to buy one ticket and sit in a movie on your own when everyone else was a couple or in groups. Oh well, I did it and that is what is most important.
Got home H was lying on the sofa. I walked around so he could see me and with my best smile said "Hi". He just replied "Hi". I sat down, he casually glanced over my way probably to see the look on my face and what I was wearing (I try at all times to keep a smile on my face, it is getting easier).
After about 5 mins or so, he asked what movie I saw and what was it about. Then announced he was going to bed.
I expected a bit more of a reaction but I obviously haven't detached properly yet since I still expect things. I did feel good that I had actually gone to the movie on my own. I really don't think he thought I would do it, maybe that is why there was no real reaction from him. Not sure.
The other question I have is approximately how long do they do this cycling thing of reaching out, then pulling back.
If it is going to go on for a bit I really really need to learn how to detach, because it is confusing and downright emotionally draining. H has gone back to no hug before going to work, still gives me a kiss, but no hug and now no wave.
I really have to stop torturing myself over this behaviour.
Spoke with D this morning, she said H came home and asked where I was, had I gone to the movies. Obviously thought if he wasn't going then I wouldn't not that I had any idea he was coming anyway. He had his dinner and then fell asleep on the sofa.
At work this morning, he had sent me an email yesterday after I had left, telling me to be careful on the road going home due to the weather.
I take it he still cares and I guess that means there is still hope.
Oz, sorry to say I still experience the reaching out/pulling back scenario two years after H has left. Sign of a confused man. My H has ow and yet he's still here reaching out and then pulling back.
I really do know what it must have felt like being there at the movies on your own - I once went to the theatre in London on my own - huge crowds, families, groups, couples .... and you are the single one. I was still very much with H at that time but I found myself in London for work purposes and wanted to milk my time for all it was worth! At the time I considered it a 'grown up' thing to be doing - never considered for one minute that it may become the 'norm' for me when H walked away :o( I guess the difference for me was that H had also encouraged me to go see the show and so I kind of felt that he was there with me anyhow - nevertheless, it takes a lot of effort to even get your bottom in that seat. You feel so conspicuous but the truth is, no-one probably even noticed.
Anyhow, you survived and whilst your H's reaction may not have been what you wanted or expected, that showed him that you can and will do things on your own - even knowing that it was something that you have previously said that you could not do. Today, you must wallow in that victory and continue to congratulate yourself!
Now then, for you, lots of things to look forward to on Hump Day. S on his way home and the new townhouse waiting for you on Friday ... I presume that you will be taking the day off from work? The weekend will undoubtedly be getting yourself sorted so have you anything else that's good lined up - some 'you' stuff??
Off to update my post.... talk later.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
