I read the ENTIRE thread and boy did I learn a lot, even about my own notions of detachment vs. withdrawal.
My first thought on that, recognizing that I have reached a point of what I consider healthy detachment, withdrawal proceeded detachment...I had to withdraw some to get my bearings and secure my own mental health.
What you refer to here GMA, is not just words to me. I feel the torment and your mental health IS at stake.
I have received no better advice than from Coach. So re-read and seek out other threads he has posted on. If it doesn't resonate, than you are not ready. Don't beat yourself up (that is useless). Just keep going back to those posts and as you EXPERIENCE the truth of your sitch more and more, you will experience the words you read differently. People try to make this an intellectual exercise (I sure do), figure everything out, dissect, insist our sitches are unique in some way BUT, the 2x4s and diatribes (my own included) do NOT resonate until the receiver is ready.
So, take a breath, give yourself a break. This is tough stuff.
I had soooo many thoughts reading your thread, I should've taken notes. I'm going to formulate some thoughts specific to your sitch and come back in a few. I'm looking at this as paying it forward for all of the help I've gotten here...I want to give you my full attention since you asked for it.
Also, check out Smileysperson and Thinkers threads.
Gucci and robx nail a lot of issues regarding being a "man" and retrieving your nuts. Many are offended by their directness, bullying, assertiveness and directives to date but in my experience, I've gotten a LOT out of it if I look at the essence of what they are saying. So in every sitch, don't turn away thinking "that's not me or my sitch"...look a little deeper.
I relate very much to your W (scary as that is to admit) and even though my H left me, we were in that limbo for a loooong time. Wish he had been on here.
