I was reading back through an earlier post of yours and something stopped me cold. So I thought I'd ask you about it.
Quote: (She keeps telling me) "I have to be able to trust you". I tell her that this is a fine thing to expect, but that sometimes the standards she sets for me can be too exacting, and that the boundaries move to suit her.
I notice in your reply to her, you return volley by telling her about her standards and moving boundaries.
When she says to you, "I have to be able to trust you," why do you not look her straight in the eye and say, "yes, you sure do." And leave it at that?
You are a trustworthy person and you know you are. And since you know you are, it doesn't matter what her standards are and what her boundaries are... because they are HERS, not YOURS.
Her not trusting you is her issue. By bringing up additional points, I think you might be clouding the trust issue for her, you know? You scrambling to meet her trust demands are communicating to her that you are in fact untrustworthy... because you are not acting in a consistent fashion. You are jumping through her hoops. And because you are busy jumping through her hoops, the one thing you are NOT doing is standing your ground by saying, "sorry babe, I happen to know I'm a real trustworthy guy. I hope you can get over your mistrust of me."
Do you see? When she makes "I" statements like that, confirm them for her so she comes to understand that SHE must own the issue and confront it herself.
Another example. If she says something like, "I can't see myself enjoying "the act."
You look at her and say, "I have absolutely no doubt that you feel that way. That is definitely a problem."
See? You confirm that you have heard and acknowledged what she has said, but you are in no way claiming responsibility for her views or her actions, and quite literally, are throwing them back on her WITHOUT DEFENDING YOURSELF OR YOUR NEEDS.
