Don't feel too bad about your "collapse." Allow yourself to feel all the emotions. However, if you feel you are stuck and down for too long, just remember S12's words and you'll be fine.
He loves you dearly and knows you love him the same.
Not only can your S2 become like you and your S12, but he will. Unfortunately, he'll always have the negative impact of B in his life (which will remain a negative as long as she's running from her own issues), but remember how strong of a counter-balance you are and will continue to be.
Yes, he may have a more difficult time than S12 did b/c of their mothers, but the common denominator is still you, my friend. Don't discount that at all. To do so would to be doing yourself a grave disservice.
As for the need to get into a routine, I couldn't agree more. I'm in the same boat myself and am hoping to get something started as soon as things settle in w/the new school year (they're close, but had some unplanned things crop up last night and tonight is "back to school night/meet the teacher night" for D6, so my routine will need to wait another day.
Keep moving forward. You know the path and you travel it well, my brother.
You sound quite confident yourself. Every time you post on my thread, you always bring a lot of peace and calmness that really help me tremendously. I just wanted to post on your thread for a change and encourage you to stay on the narrow path as you also deal with your ups and downs.
It is so great that you cherish your boys so much. They are blessed to have a father like you. I understand you have seen many lows with job, W, health. But I want you to know that you are one resilient man. You've empowered me to always keep the faith and stay focused. I hope you don't lose your focus as well. Stay encouraged and know that you make a real difference in so many lives. I am one of them.
Stay strong. We will prevail.
JR
Me:44 WAW:43 Children S13,S11,S7 Married 17 yrs W left JUN 08 W filed JAN 09 D proceedings dismissed AUG 09 W refiles 1 MAR 11
Thanks for your kinds words...very welcome tonight...having a tough, pensive evening...something will come of it eventually, I just don't know what...but I am aware of this brooding darkness that's invaded my thoughts for now...bothersome.
but I am aware of this brooding darkness that's invaded my thoughts for now...bothersome.
If it's not productive get out of that place mentally. I think for most men doing something physical or working with your hands helps. Self-awareness is key to avoiding a funk. Find a healthy coping mechanism.
Cheers
ps Carlos, when I post you I find that I often have to use some of the advice I've given to you on myself.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
As you have helped me,I return the favor always remember no matter how demeaning the other side can be it is the love of our children that puts us in the light.they can never take that from us.be strong, breath deep always move forward.there will be tough days ahead,take them head on that is what makes us stronger.
God Bless
H 49 W 42 S 19 S 14 S 12 S 8 D 6 M 19 Bomb dropped 2/09 Separated 5/09 still hopeful, praying
Coach, You're so very right about focusing and finding a healthy coping mechanism...for so long it's been running and soccer - that it left me kind of frozen for a bit...I had this urge to build a new bookshelf - which lead me down the path of thinking too much about having moved from a house to an apartment...not productive thinking - but enough to let me know that I had to get out of the house at least...go somewhere and do something...So, on Saturday, I took S2 to the beach - just the two of us - and we had a wonderful time.
On Sunday, I got together with a college friend that I hadn't seen in a while - he was/is healing from the end of a three-year relationship - so I found myself sharing with him a lot of what I learned over the past year...it's odd how unhelpful our nature inclinations can be at the end of a relations...he was on course of making all the mistakes one could make at the end of R...putting all his energy into blaming his partner...
So...the bookshelf idea has been tabled...and in it's place is this notion of building something in my mind...collecting words as I used to collect them, and arrange them in a story...it's what I've been meaning to do for months now - many months - I've just got to find the path through this horrid bout of writer's block...
The love of our children is a powerful thing - and has carried me through many dark passages. And you are right, all this stuff will somehow make us stronger - so long as we remember to keep moving forward and not let us consume us...not allow any one moment to define all of who we are or where we're going.
