Well, I have been doing some reading (Mars and Venus on a date) and have come up with some interesting things that seemed quite apt in my situation. I will try to apply them but I thought I would share in case it is interesting to others.
The main gist I've highlighted is how to keep a man actively interested in you during the dating stage and how sometimes we women sabotage their interest indirectly. It rang true to me!
Some interesting highlights for me from there...
1. A big thing I used to do was to try and keep quiet and listen to my h and make him talk about himself (I guess I wanted him to share feelings and open up to me but all I ever got was work). It says that actually the more a man talks about himself the more interested in what he is talking about he becomes, therefore less actively interested in you. The pointer here is that a woman should do more of the talking and authentically share herself in a positive manner.
2. A man is attracted to a woman that can clearly be pleased. Do not dwell on negatives (that film was dreadful, that spaghetti was like rubber) or problems. Make positive comments.
3. After being receptive to a man's responses appreciate his efforts with a smile and a thank you but do not feel you owe him anything or try to give too much in return.
4. The anticipation of more is important to keep him interested. If he feels completely satisfied then there is no distance for him to continue to pursue.
5. Distance not only makes the heart grow fonder but it gives the man opportunity to pursue.
6. When a man stops pursuing women must resist the urge to find out what happened and allow him distance.
7. Don't give advice but ask for advice.
8. Self-assurance is a very attractive trait, self-assurance assumes you will always get what you need and are now in the process of getting it. When a woman shifts from feeling self-assured to earning a man's affection she becomes less attractive. Women tend to give too much and be too responsible.
9. Men love women with a smile.
10. Active and receptive interest. Active interest is when we feel we have a goal in mind and comes from a place of desire. It wants to serve while receptive interest wants to be served. It is what we feel when we are openly considering the value of what is being offered. It is motivated to create opportunities to receive and comes from a place of preference and worthiness. The two kinds of interest are reciprocal; if a woman is receptively interested in a man it will generate his active interest.
I just wanted to steal this post for my reference
No direct STBXH sightings, although I had yet another close encounter of the third kind. Or maybe that's the third degree of separation.
My boss ran into a friend whose brother knows STBXH. This guy started telling my boss about the book (wilderness guide thingy) STBXH has been trying to get published and also about his D and his STBXW, me. STBXH wasn't painting a nice picture although my boss didn't tell me exactly what was said. But he did decide to stick up for me and told this guy that STBXH is an a$$hole and not to believe what he says.
The Army is way too small. *sigh* I really hate the thought that I have to see and work with people who have worked with him, and that they have this bias against me because of the crap he is saying around the workplace. I feel like my reputation is being affected which is extremely frustrating. Luckily I have people in my corner as well.
In good news, my promotion board will be in November, so hopefully I'll be making more money in a few months!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
