Hahaha. That actually scarily describes one of STBXH's OW too! Brown hair, average height, athletic, good student. Pretty much what I was when we met (and still am!). Except she "used" to cut on herself with razor blades, and she needed him to buy her alcohol (she wasn't 21). And slutty is a nice word for her, lmao.
I think it's the depression / self-esteem / etc. They don't feel like they deserve better. And they crave someone to make them feel good about themselves, so they look for someone who is co-dependent.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Well, I have been doing some reading (Mars and Venus on a date) and have come up with some interesting things that seemed quite apt in my situation. I will try to apply them but I thought I would share in case it is interesting to others.
The main gist I've highlighted is how to keep a man actively interested in you during the dating stage and how sometimes we women sabotage their interest indirectly. It rang true to me!
Some interesting highlights for me from there...
1. A big thing I used to do was to try and keep quiet and listen to my h and make him talk about himself (I guess I wanted him to share feelings and open up to me but all I ever got was work). It says that actually the more a man talks about himself the more interested in what he is talking about he becomes, therefore less actively interested in you. The pointer here is that a woman should do more of the talking and authentically share herself in a positive manner.
2. A man is attracted to a woman that can clearly be pleased. Do not dwell on negatives (that film was dreadful, that spaghetti was like rubber) or problems. Make positive comments.
3. After being receptive to a man's responses appreciate his efforts with a smile and a thank you but do not feel you owe him anything or try to give too much in return.
4. The anticipation of more is important to keep him interested. If he feels completely satisfied then there is no distance for him to continue to pursue.
5. Distance not only makes the heart grow fonder but it gives the man opportunity to pursue.
6. When a man stops pursuing women must resist the urge to find out what happened and allow him distance.
7. Don't give advice but ask for advice.
8. Self-assurance is a very attractive trait, self-assurance assumes you will always get what you need and are now in the process of getting it. When a woman shifts from feeling self-assured to earning a man's affection she becomes less attractive. Women tend to give too much and be too responsible.
9. Men love women with a smile.
10. Active and receptive interest. Active interest is when we feel we have a goal in mind and comes from a place of desire. It wants to serve while receptive interest wants to be served. It is what we feel when we are openly considering the value of what is being offered. It is motivated to create opportunities to receive and comes from a place of preference and worthiness. The two kinds of interest are reciprocal; if a woman is receptively interested in a man it will generate his active interest.
I guess that is what I have been trying recently and it did produce results from h by him asking me out on Saturday, which I couldn't go to. I am keeping quiet again now and going to sit tight until the next opportunity. It is scary not generating an opportunity and I am finding it hard to resist the urge. Don't let me fold!!! I am sitting on my hands and posting here instead!
Well, reading that list it explains A LOT! Almost every one of those goes completely against my inclinations and goes to show why I was always a mess when it came to dating. Oh well.....live, learn, and move on I guess.
Keep producing those results Julia! We'll all be taking notes.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I was thinking.. the FB thing could be guilt? I know my bf was very low key with Helen and discreet, despite being in an R with her, he probably worried what people would think.. and its not like you deserved it, or did anything wrong, which makes it worse. OW woiuldnt have that of course, so she will happily post away to him and yes, I expect it is important to her to make a show that he is hers and not yours!
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I'm planning my trip and it is all falling into place. My sister is willing to take the cat, I have asked my boss for the time off (it is tough I am going anyway but I thought I would ask! ), I have set aside a savings account and I have started planning an itnery. I am trying to decide whether to go and do
LA (thanks Jeff, I'm so going to Disney, that has been my dream since I was ickle)- (possibly OZ) - New Zealand - Singapore Or the other way around and end up in LA.
I'm going to go over Christmas and most of January. Travel around NZ and use Singapore as a base to go to Indonesia and Thailand and maybe Borneo but it depends on the jabs etc.
I figure, if I don't 'Just do it' I never will. This is a compromise to leaving my job and going for 6 months to a year. I'd be crazy to do that at this time and I also love my job and am not ready to leave yet.
I'm so excited!!! Do you get the feeling I'm excited!
Yay, Julia that is so, so exciting. I am so glad you are going to take this trip. It will be so fantastic and it's something that will really give you great focus for the months ahead.
