How are you both doing today? If I'm grateful for anything today, it's that I live in the city and not the hillsides, so my house is intact, and not burning, even though I'm not living in it. I have to stop watching the news here in the office, because this brush fire stuff out here is depressing all on its own.
My W actually has been specific about why she idstrusts me, but a lot of that distrust is out of fear, not reality. In return, I told her that I distrust her in the sense that I fear she cannot be attracted to me enough to have a healthy sex life. I take your point that she must love me, or she would have been gone long ago, but if she really loved me, why would she knowingly deprive me of the single thing she knew I wanted from the relationship. She KNOWINGLY, and WILLFULLY, deprived me of it. Was it love, or some form of co-dependecy she was engaging in by staying married to me? This is what I'm wondering with all seriousness. I do believe that I have been trustworthy in so many ways, but she call that "mechanincal stuff" (i.e. going to work, taking care of the kids, cooking dinners, etc.). I can't WIN!
Nevertheless, we're taking it a day at a time for now. She is going to the therapist not only for us, but also for herself. She may decide that she's better off taking her chances with another man, than staying in a place where she just can't let go of the past. The ball's in her court. I have been to hours upon hours of therapy, and I really don't want to go back. I really don't. I have been crystal clear about what I want from her, but she has not been clear, or consistent, with me. I am willing to go to the therapist, but I feel like this is her issue to work out at this point. I can't MAKE her be more trustworthy of me. That has to come from within.
Johanna mentioned getting away for a weekend, and I may do just that. Have to literally pull myself out of my muck to do it. It's so easy, on the weekends, to just hole-up in a motel room, or my office, and veg.
Back to work now. Will check in tonight. Hope all is well in your worlds.
