Hi GAG, in answer to your question (I have had this discussion with my family as they worried at first).. I consider my bf now, a BETTER bet than some random new guy. He's a known quantity, I know all his issues. I also know he truly loves me and chose to come back, for life. I lived with my exex for 3 years, I later realised he had cheated on me in the first week, despite saying he loved me at that time. There are no gaurantees, so I actually feel more secure and sure of my bf than I would have felt, after what I have been through, with a stranger I happened to fall for. Also, my bf is not a womaniser and in the past 13 years, I have never seen his eyes stray to a pretty woman, when in my presence, so that reassures me.

Originally Posted By: goodattitudegirl
I am at the point of questioning whether IF my WAS one day chooses to reconcile, how will I know that he won't have some kind of meltdown again in the future? I asked Jody (DB coach) this question and she said that in the future we would need to avoid the triggers that activated this situation...how can we (LBS's) know what all the triggers might be? .....or how many triggers need to be activated for them to leave again? In your experience on the board, do walkaways show a willingness to have these conversations?

.....and how can avoiding triggers compensate for the emptiness some of our walkaway partners feel because of abandonment they experienced as children?

I asked him this, he says it will never happen again, that he made a terrible, insane decision (to leave and then another, to date nightmare ow) and from that 2 years, he has learnt "a million things".. one of which being that he made a terrible mistake, it was crazy and he didnt think it through what he was doing and what was really best for him/me, but just let things happen to him. He said he wont ever repeat that mistake.

I dont think there were triggers as such.. I think it was a type of MLC if you will, so a culmination point of years of low self esteem and being a people pleaser and silently seething at not being "listened to" and also a consequence of his longterm depression, in his case.. he understands now that we create our own reality. If you are unhappy with something, but act like you are fine, you are not being honest and true to yourself and you cant expect others to read your mind! But it wasnt ALL him, we have touched on the fact I had stopped listening to him, or respecting his decisions at least and he didnt handle that well - instead of telling me, he "gave up" (again thats his depression he says now) and saw things in a very negative way and he says now it was insane, but he felt I didnt love him! I was amazed when he said that. Perhaps he didnt feel needed? I was very capable and strong. So in terms of those triggers, I am careful to let him make decisions now, I am gentler and actively listen, as they call it. If that helps!