Hope4Us.. I agree, the healing comes partly from knowing what happened. Also though, as normal life resumes, it does become less important and fades and almost seems (to me) as though it never happened. But then.. something will remind me and I feel a resentment surfacing so I ask questions, only when I really need to and we never talk for more than an hour, then we move on and change the subject and I am normal, laugh, hug him and be loving and upbeat as though the talk never happened.. the DB book says to handle it this way. I understand his reluctance to talk and your W's, I did after my EA/miniPA years ago. Its the guilt. But for me also (and I think my bf as he said he was worried about what I would think).. I had this FEAR that now the penny had dropped and I chose bf over OM.. that if I said too much, I would end up losing him.. that I would end up losing them both, but the most valuable thing, my bf. So it took me a LONG time for the whole truth to come out, a year maybe, until I felt secure that he wouldnt leave me. I answered stuff as we went along, but only to a point and my bf is now doing the same. But I wouldnt talk about it for the first few months at all, after the OM left, I needed that grieving time. Try and be patient with her. I also dont see it in anyway as selfish. If she didnt love you or care, she would tell you, and in all the gory technicolour details!
